First Readers – TCL is looking for volunteers

The Colored Lens is looking for a First Reader to join our team. All of us at The Colored Lens are volunteers, so this isn’t a paid position. There are significant benefits, though. Working as a First Reader gives you excellent insights into the editorial process as well as what editors look for in the slush pile.

We pride ourselves on our 100% personal responses, and aim to have a 1-4 day response time for rejections. To do this, twice a week readers are assigned a group of stories (typically 4-6, but it can vary depending on the length of the stories) to read in the next 3-4 days. Readers are asked to provide short personalized responses that include both positive features and the reasons it’s being rejected, as well as recommend, discuss, and vote on held stories. To facilitate this, readers need to be able to respond to emails daily.

If you are interested in the position, first send us an email at dawn@thecoloredlens.com giving a short overview of your writing experience and attach a writing sample. If you have submitted to us previously, you can simply direct us to your submission instead. We’ll respond to confirm whether or not to move to the next step which is to read a group of sample stories and write personal rejections for each of them, as well as to write a note of whether you would likely reject the story outright or pass it on for another read and why.

The Conspirators

The conspirators met on the shores of a black and ancient sea.

Aina raised her hood and dipped her face into the light of a low seabound moon, waves washing ashore beneath her sandals. She pulled her hood tight, and waited.

The other conspirator peeled his hood back. “The spider spins a silver strand of moonlight.”

The waves washed under Aina’s sandals again. “He spins a web of fate.”

The response still didn’t sound right coming from her mouth. Aina had first learned it at Wallerton’s Pub, where her father often took her as a child. Discussion of the problems facing the kingdom, somehow over the years discussion had turned into action, and action?

Into assassination.

“Chilly night,” Sir Eld said, pulling his hood taut. A glimpse of his face was all it would take to unravel their plans, and for the occasion he’d worn the makeup of an Initiate. Those wishing to join the Order wore makeup not of their choosing, sloppily applied like a drunk jester, to distinguish themselves from those who’d earned their place. The beach was empty this time of night, but if anyone saw, they wouldn’t see Sir Eld, the king’s First Knight who’d unseated seven riders in the last tourney. They’d see some sloppy Initiate, learning from an ordained priest.

“It’s warmer behind the walls,” Aina said, and growing up in the slums behind those walls, she knew to cherish the warm days. Defending against the heat was as simple as fanning yourself. The cold was a different matter. Against the cold there was no defense; it reached through layers, chapping your lips and cracking your skin. “The men are anxious.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” Sir Eld said. He turned his head towards the sea.

Aina looked at the sea too, source of life. The first King of the Tydarian dynasty had crawled from the endless waters carrying the eversharp Sword of Sighs, slaying the abominations nesting on the beach and establishing the great Kingdom of Madri. The outer walls of the kingdom overlooked the sea, the king’s chambers at the top of the Red Tower, where he could watch land and sea, their present and their past.

Their present was tyranny, their past lies.

Aina watched the waves wash ashore in slow, rhythmic motions. The walls of the kingdom didn’t extend to the edge of the cliff. There was plenty of room to walk the wall and gaze at the endless waters.

Or see the bodies.

A breeze billowed her hood and she lets its chill settle on her cheeks. The bodies. The Kingdom hanged criminals and left their corpses for the sea hawks, on the wall facing the sea. Aina’s mother had taken her there once.

And when Aina flinched away, her mother yanked on her ears until she looked. For years Aina’s father had spoken of reform. He’d requested an audience with the king and Aina asked if that was really her father. All the condemned men were hooded and Aina’s mother told her not to be stupid, that was her father and Aina asked if they could leave, she wanted to be gone before the sea hawks came, and staring at the hood she thought it kept her father’s face hidden but provided no protection. The sea hawks would eat her father’s eyes, his nose, digging into his cheeks and yanking his gums free from his mouth in tight pink strings. Blood? How long would you bleed after death?

A wave dried short of her sandals, retreating. She said, “No one sails on this sea.”

“It’s too dangerous.”

“I’d restore sailing.” She looked at Sir Eld. “There’s more out there than here.”

“Yes,” Sir Eld whispered, and looked towards the sea once more.

The waves gained strength. They washed over Aina’s feet.

Then Sir Eld said the words Aina had wanted to hear for so long. Her father’s face under the hood, the hawks chewing through the cloth to consume his face. A king, tyranny, Aina didn’t smile when she heard the words. She understood it was time.

Sir Eld said, “The strand awaits.”

Old Wrongs

I don’t remember dying. A co-worker told me that I dropped dead while doing a presentation at work. I remember packing my lunch that morning and the asshole in the white BMW that nearly sideswiped me during my morning commute. Try as I may, I can’t tell you what I packed for lunch, but I’d know that BMW if I saw it.

Maybe it was too many late nights watching old episodes of Lassie with my granddaughter, but I chose a Long-Haired Collie for my next body. If it wasn’t for the charging port under my tail and the sounds made by my micro-hydraulics and servomotors you’d never know that I wasn’t a real dog.

Two of my friends chose miniaturized dinosaurs, and my cousin on my father’s side chose a pony-sized unicorn. The technology to transfer the human mind to machines is still rather new. It has only been an option for the general population for about twenty years. In the early 2000s, only politicians had access to the technology. Apparently, it is how so many of them managed to live and stay in office until their 80s. The common person learned early not to use human forms unless they wanted to spend their time doing manual labor.

I spend most of the day on my charging pad, but even when I’m not physically active, my mind monitors our home’s security cameras. Every day at eleven-fifteen the mailman stops in front of the house in a blue van. It takes all my willpower not to charge out the door and snatch the mail out of his filthy hands. There is something about that man that makes my hackles rise. I even catch myself growling when he closes the box and drives off.

My son laughs at me when I send him video clips of the mail delivery. I don’t understand my obsession with the mailman either. Sometimes I wonder if the designers of my unit thought it’d be funny to write in some subroutine to make me act similar to an actual dog. I’ve even checked online to see if there were any lawsuits where someone who chose this model bit a mail carrier. I didn’t find any but that doesn’t mean that the cases weren’t settled out of court and buried.

An overwhelming urge to look out the front window hit me, and I knew it was time for the mail to run. I watched the mailbox as minutes slowly passed. He was late. I checked the calendar to make sure it wasn’t some obscure holiday and then checked the security cameras to make sure he hadn’t slipped by early. Could he have been in an accident? My tail began to wag at the thought.

The car I saw stopping at boxes wasn’t the normal mail truck. It was a white BMW. When he stopped in front of the house, I began to bark and paw at the windowpane. He flipped me the bird and memory flooded my mind. A quick glance at the passenger’s door cinched it. There was a small dent just under the door handle. It was the asshole!

I ran for the back door and dashed through the doggie door. The fence surrounding the backyard would’ve been a problem, but my son parked the lawnmower beside it. I jumped onto the mower and leaped over the fence. I hadn’t left the house since my mind transfer, and suddenly, I felt free.

The BMW was already two houses down the road, but I wasn’t going to let him get away this time. The morning that he nearly hit me, he made eye contact with me and flipped me the bird before racing away. What a coward. I managed to cover the distance of our yard in three leaps. My feet slipped on the asphalt, and I toppled over briefly before continuing the chase.

I overrode the safety limits on my jaw and bit his back tire when he stopped at a mailbox. The tire gave a satisfying pop and deflated quickly. I stood on my back legs, and my paws scratched the door as I made eye contact with the driver. For the first time since my transfer, I wished that I had fingers. I knew that I’d have to pay for the damages to his car because every house on the block had cameras. But the fear and shock in his eyes was priceless.

I dropped to the ground and tossed grass at the BMW with my back legs as if I were covering up a fresh pile of excrement. The driver silently watched me walk back to my house. When I stretched out on the porch and rested my head on my paws, I saw that he was talking on the phone. I knew the police were coming and that I was in trouble, but I felt satisfied that a wrong had been corrected. We were even now.

I was content until I saw the neighbor’s robotic cat in the window next door.

Eddie D. Moore still lives within a few miles of the small Tennessee town where he was born, but he spends his free time exploring faraway worlds that only exist in his mind. If you desire more, I’d suggest picking up a copy of his mini-anthology Misfits & Oddities.

Give the Algorithm What it Wants

When “CheezyNacho420” live-streams the war-bot chopping off his leg, it’s not that he wants to necessarily shock people (though it helps) or bag a few extra subscribers (though that’s even more helpful). It’s that he wants to get ridiculous, out of control, crazy famous. And really, in this day and age, is that such a bad thing?

Meg sure thinks so. That’s why when she’s finished wiping the blood splatter off her face while Cheezy soaks his stump in the expensive-ass limb RE-GROW© gel tub he bought after he reached two hundred mill. subscribers, she’s gives him a look like she just stuck her nose in her own vomit. Cheezy wants to make a meme of it. Even takes a snapshot with his retinals. Who knows. Might make for a good thumbnail someday.

“Never do that again,” Meg says chucking the bloody rag onto the bathroom floor.

“I was thinking both legs next time,” Cheezy says as he reviews the vid’s view count in his retinals. “You know: a Part II. Maybe use lasers instead. I dunno. What do ya think?”

“I thought you hacking off your nose was gross. But your whole leg? Come ‘on, Cheezy. That’s sick.”

Cheezy smiles. “It’s sick, isn’t it. So freaking sick.”

And as Meg rolls her eyes and walks out of his bathroom (the cave-themed one complete with custom stucco stalactites and stalagmites), he closes his eyes and listens to the chimes of subscribers growing. And he grins.

He’s going to be hella famous. He’s going to the top. He’s going all the way.


What stops Cheezy from doing Oops, all legless! (Part II) (a working title) isn’t the ungodly expense of all the RE-GROW© gel and ketamine dermals. Or his lackadaisical entourage who are all just getting stoned in his living room. It’s that while he’s flexing the new leg, feeling the synth muscles bend, he hears the ding of an unlinked account DMing his retinals. Which is unusual. Cause Cheezy’s getting pretty famous these days as a streamer. Not as famous as he’d like, but famous enough that it’s hard to squeeze a DM through his filters.

“Some rando wants to collab,” he summarizes to the boys.

“Sick,” says Barfy from the couch. Barfy’s their techie who re-programmed the war-bot to do that hilarious Fortnite dance after chopping Cheezy’s leg.

“What kind of collab?” Poo-dog asks. “Gross out? Prank?”

Cheezy shakes his head. “Dunno.”

Cheezy plops onto the giant wrap around sectional couch that cost almost as much as that lambo he rolled into the Grand Canyon two years ago. There’s some kind of holo-movie playing in the vid-pit, but most of the boys aren’t paying attention, too stoned and too lost in their retinals’ vid-feeds. Cheezy takes a sec to dig a little. Checks the guy’s profile. His subscriber count. Very respectable. Not CheezyNacho420 respectable. But respectable. A quick compare shows there’s a distinct break between his and Cheezy’s subscribers. Only an 8% overlap, but the AI analyzer seems to think that’ll grow to 79% if they collab. Considering how many subscribers the guy’s got, that’s a terrific boost. One too hard to ignore. He reads the DM one more time.

Hey, Cheezy man! Big fan! Really digging the latest leg chopper vid! The sound when your femur cracked? Oh, man, so sick! Anyway, was reaching out cause I was thinking of doing a new live-stream that’d make for an excellent collab. I’ve got an inside scoop on this old military base out in the Rockies. Make for some excellent content. What do you say? Peace, Lil’ Drizzle.

Up till now, Cheezy has never heard of Lil’ Drizzle. But he likes the directness. And he likes the stats even more. And yeah, sure, Oh crap! I cut off BOTH my legs! (extra femur crack!) (other working title) would be a pretty sweet follow up to his last. But Cheezy’s thinking maybe it’s time to shake things up. And he’s thinking about those delicious stats. About rising up to Numero Uno, baby.

Paradox Lost

They redesigned fire escapes over the last few decades. I never saw a problem with the rotted scaffolding they used to use, though I doubt it would have carried the weight of all 1,237 households in my building. It must have been seventeen, maybe eighteen years ago when they tore down every ladder in the city and replaced them with the Tubes.

I’m sitting on the iridescent ledge of a Tube now, just outside my forty-seventh floor apartment. My hand hovers over an enormous yellow button while I rock back and forth on the platform, which swaddles my legs in a slight bit of goo. I’ve gotten in trouble a few times for pressing the button when there wasn’t a fire. But it’s the city’s own fault for making the Tubes so comfortable. They wrap me up in this warm, heat-proof fabric, and soon I’m drenched in slime, funneling a thousand miles a minute through the invisible chute system that hangs like honey over the skyscrapers. It’s wonderful, and it lasts for ages–like how I imagine it feels when most people sleep.

But then I get to the other end–the fire station–and I have to deal with Mr. Pliskova who always threatens legal action if I keep pulling the goopy fire alarm when I’m not supposed to.

I sigh, retract my fingers from the button and turn to the next best thing. My lighter tickles the bowl of my pipe with dainty, cygilistic sparks of electricity. Soon, yellow heat waves radiate from the drug in the glass before I suck it all up through my lips and my cheeks shiver with delight. Cold gas rakes my throat, but I keep it in for as long as I can. I feel the tingle of a cough building in my lungs and as I watch the sulfur smoke wisp from my lips, I wonder if that’s what I’ll become when I’m gone.

I shriek as something jumps onto my hand. I brush it off and scurry away. That’s the other problem with the Tubes. For some reason, they like to wrap up dead things from the ground and send them up to the ledges. It happens so often that the mayor had to give a speech. She said she had no idea what caused it and after that, everyone just kind of accepted it. I nudge the little body over the edge and lean to see it disappear into the darkness below.

My attention catches on the building across from mine. I peer about twelve stories down into Julie’s apartment. I think she leaves the window open to taunt me. I can see her and her new boyfriend fondling each other on her couch. I wonder if it still smells the same or if his scent has invaded the aroma I spent so long cultivating. They’re watching a show I watched with her first. I shake my head as they get to my favorite bit, and don’t look up from their incessant necking. She leaves the window open to taunt me.

Anyways, I’ve extracted every morsel of yellow goodness from my pipe, so I suppose it’s time to head back inside. I’m careful not to pinch my fingers on the windowsill as I crawl through unflatteringly. I don’t want to feel any pain.

“Hello, Pascal,” I say to my roommate as I pass by. Pascal’s sitting in the usual spot, meditating as Pascal does. “How’s it going tonight? Got any plans?” Pascal doesn’t respond, as usual. I don’t expect anything more, I’m not crazy.

There’s a gun on the counter. It’s old and the trigger looks like it could disintegrate at any second, but the bullets that jut out from its revolving chamber glint new. This is the weapon my grandfather kept in his waistband during the war. It’s the one with which he shot a dozen fascists, and then himself. I admire it every day. I brush the dust off with the black feather I keep beside it, check to make sure it’s still loaded, and inspect its various fiddly bits, wondering if it would work if I used it.

I look up at the two doors in my apartment. On the left, the bathroom. Do I have to use the bathroom? Not really. It’d be something to do, but I tried about an hour ago and I haven’t drunk any water. On the right, the bedroom. Could I sleep? Probably not, and it would depress me to try.

So, I suppose it’s time for my only hobby–pacing around the living room in a wide circle, waiting for the drugs to kick in.

“Hey, Pascal,” I say to Pascal as I pass by on my first revolution.

I keep my apartment sparse. I read a book on spartanism a while back, thinking it was about the cool Greek guys. You know, statues, and battles and shit, but it turned out to be a life-coaching seminar on why it’s better not to have furniture. I never really liked my furniture anyways, so I thought I’d give it a try. I sent my couch, my coffee table, and my pay-per-view holographic television to the fire station.

All that’s left is my grandfather’s paisley rug. It covers the burns in the hardwood, and I feel it ties the whole room together, so I kept it.

“What’s good, Pascal?” I say on my second pass.

This goes on for half an hour, or until I start to wonder how long it’s been. I glance to the smokey outline where my clock used to be, and once again salute Pascal. I’ve also started to see tiny yellow figures in the corners of my eyes. They’re exercising, stretching their limbs, smiling, and depending on my mood, conspiring to rob me. I know they’re going to get bigger. I know they’re going to turn into huge fractals that make me forget where I am. Soon, the drug will take over my mind and I won’t feel like this anymore.

I’m tired, so I sit in front of Pascal. “Hi, Pascal,” I say again.

Pascal is an enormous, conglomerated shrine to every deity I’ve ever come across. Pascal sits at eight feet tall, oozing with the industrial grade glue I used to piece it together. The body is composed of various religious texts, all of which have been perused, torn apart, and stuck back together like a lunatic’s victim. It has the skull of a goat, the ears of an elephant, and ten divinely positioned hands that hold crustacean shells and stolen gemstones. I painted its base to look like those Tibetan clouds, but they turned out more reminiscent of dirty rags. Pictures of spiritual leaders sprout from Pascal’s shoulders, all smiling at me, smelling of every incense I could find on top of sage, myrrh, vomit and hardening wax. Pascal is my passion project. If I’m going to end it all, I may as well hedge my bets. I don’t want any unpleasantries.

That being said, I really don’t know how to pray to it all. I feel like I should, but to who? To what? For what?

I turn around to make sure the old gun is still in its place. It always is because only Pascal and I live here. Right on the table next to—

It’s gone. I twist my head to various corners of the room, spying for dropped bits and pieces of it, but there’s no trace. Did I move it and forget? I never move it. But maybe earlier today I decided it was finally time, and took it to the bedroom. I don’t remember that, though. And as the drug whispers louder in my ear, do I really care about the old gun?

I turn back to Pascal and rock back and forth on the hardwood. My ass starts to hurt. While I can stand it, I murmur incoherencies, hoping that if something is watching me, they might understand the feeling without the words. But soon, the yellow specters have clouded my peripherals, and I need to use the bathroom.

With a groan, I push up from the ground, and rub my eyes, missing the door handle twice before I catch it between two of my weakest fingers. Immediately upon entering the cracked-tile bunker of sewage piping, I turn to the mirror, and lift my shirt. It’s not like I’m going to go to the gym, or start eating healthier, so nothing will have changed, but I still shake my head as nausea slips up my esophagus.

“Hello,” says someone in the bathtub. “We know you want to kill yourself.”

I shriek and stumble back into the door, slamming my head on the wood. I point and scream “Get out! Who are you?” There are two women standing side-by-side in the faux marble basin. They wear trench coats and patinated leather bootstraps with modern ether rifles and futuristic control panel waistcoats. Two shy beeps sound out of time, and echo a series of red lights in their breast pockets that spasm on and off.

“We’re sorry to bother you,” says the one on the left, “but we have a matter of urgent business to discuss with you. My name is Captain Fronders, and this is Leftenant Muck. We are members of a government agency called AAMTT–the Association for the Advancement of Military Time Travel. We would like to enlist your help.”

I sputter and shake my head. “Time travel? Excuse me? Is this some kind of joke? Get out of my apartment.”

They disappear. No wind, no bright lights. The two women are gone, and I can’t remember if I hallucinated them.

I squeal again as a sudden wave of memory eclipses my thoughts. I fall to my knees. My heartbeat pounds in my brain as I experience a memory over and over again like it’s always been there. But it feels entirely new.

When I look up, the women are back.

“I remember you,” I wail. “I remember it now. You were at my elementary school. During volleyball practice. How–You looked… completely different. But it was definitely you–”

“Yes,” replies the woman on the left. “We’ve just come from there.”

The one on the right interrupts seamlessly. “Would you like to participate in our study?”

“What?” is all I can manage to get out.

“We are interested in your participation in our study. Are you familiar with the grandfather paradox?” She doesn’t pause for me to respond. “What happens if one travels back in time and kills their own grandfather?”

“We have been tasked with deciphering this problem,” continues the other. “But because of recently amended manslaughter legislation, we are unable to kill others in the past, we are only authorized to use… self-destructive methods. We find the whole grandfather part of it all redundant anyways. The paradox arises in the same way with even a one minute travel to the past. That being said, no one at our agency wants to test it. No one’s willing to go back in time and kill themself.”

“But since I already want to…” I piece together.

“Precisely.” Says the one on the left. “We want you to travel back in time, and sacrifice yourself to science.”

A pause. I steady myself against the wall, and my towel falls off its hook. “I’m too high for this,” I say. My vision is almost entirely consumed by the yellow shapes.

“Come towards us,” they say. I stumble forward, hands grabbing in front of me. I feel knuckles on my shoulder, and instantly I’m silenced. I try to scream, but my mouth moves too fast. My vision begins to clear, thoughts speeding along more swiftly than I can track them. When the women release me, I slump against the ridge of the bathtub, and catch my breath.

I’m sober.

The Fungus Man of Kimball Manor

Nobody says nothin’ good about that Kimball Manor, wastin’ away on the corner of Hemlock and Old Chatsworth Road. Nobody says nothin’ bad about it either. Really, nobody says much at all about the old mansion, but somehow everybody knows about the Fungus Man that lives in the hole where the parlor floor caved in. It’s what the adults call an “open secret.”

Now, nobody in town knows this Fungus Man, and none but a few knows what kind of fungus make him up. Eunice always said the Fungus Man’s fungi weren’t like the mushrooms they sold in the grocery store, but the natural, dangerous kinds that make your throat close up and your skin blister and char. Eunice usually knows what she’s talkin’ ‘bout when it comes to earth sciences, so I was keen to believe her. But I also had a mind to see it for myself.

I told her so, one day walkin’ in the gully next to the overgrown rail line while we were headin’ back from school. That was the long way ‘round, but we took it to escape the boys who always said Eunice had a mouse face and pulled her hair. They said plenty other mean things about her too. Said she looked like a bloated pear, on account of her hips. Laughed at her fingernails, full o’ dirt, and her patchy clothes. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with makin’ good use o’ God’s blessings,” I always said. It would cheer her up some, but not a whole lot.

What would cheer her up was takin’ the forest path just before the fork in the tracks. She looked mighty cheerful in the dim light under the forest canopy. She’d stop to point out new buds on a cranefly orchid or hornbeam saplings, threadin’ the shoots through her fingers. Every so often she’d find a mushroom you could eat, pick it up, and scarf it down. Wouldn’t even wash the grime off or nothin’!

“Henry, look!” She was crouched down at the base of an old oak stump, brushin’ a round, ruffled cap with the tips of her fingers. “Hen o’ the woods. Good eatin’, these.”

“Looks like them ballerina tutus,” I said.

Eunice laughed, a loud raspy cackle. Then she tore off a piece and gulped it right down.

“Bet you’re always thinkin’ o’ ballerinas in their tutus, ain’tcha, Henry?”

I frowned. I was goin’ by Hank these days, and she knew it.

She was pushin’ my buttons. She always did after a run-in with those bully boys.

“Don’t you think I’d look good in one of them tutus, Henry?” she asked, knowin’ she wouldn’t, but knowin’ I’d agree.

“Duh,” I said, “but your tutu would be made o’ these here mushrooms.”

She tore off another piece and offered it to me. I turned my nose up at it, but she pressed, shakin’ the thing at me. And that there’s when I got to thinkin’ of the Fungus Man.

“Hey, you think there really is a man made o’ mushrooms who lives underneath that caved-in floor over in Kimball Manor?”

Eunice just stared at me, tearin’ piece after piece of that hen o’ the woods. I thought maybe she was mad, or fixin’ to set me straight or somethin’. She could, too. But I’d never mentioned the Fungus Man before. Like I said, no one ever really says nothin’ about him or the house, so how can anyone have a strong feelin’ about it?

Jesus would’ve been born, grown, died, and resurrected before Eunice did anythin’ but chew that wood-hen, unless I clicked my tongue and said, “Gimme some,” and held out my hand.

She smiled, a little bashful, and gave me a piece. I popped it in my mouth. It was soft and fluffy and tasted buttery, just like chicken.

Eunice piped up. “I heard that the man don’t just live in a hole in the ground,” she testified. “I heard there’s a big ol’ tunnel beneath that house, stretchin’ all the way down into Hell, down and down straight into Satan’s fiery torture pit.”

She crept toward me, her arms held up in front like a zombie.

“Just waitin’ for stupid boys like Henry Tattnall to fall into it and get gobbled up by the devil himself.”

I gulped. “So he’s a demon, then? The Fungus Man?”

“If he’s real,” she said, her voice quivering, “he might as well be. I’d steer clear if I’s you.”

She huffed and started walkin’ away, her arms pulled taut as a circus high-wire behind her. My head was tellin’ me she was just messin’, but my heart wanted to prove her wrong. Show her I wasn’t scared o’ no tunnel or devil or Fungus Man. And if she was really messin’, why would she herself be so scared?

So I said, “You’re too chicken to find out for yourself, ain’t ya, Eunice Bailey?”

She whipped ‘round again. “Ain’t scared. Just got no interest in dyin’.”

“Well, I’ll protect you if you promise to come with.”

“Scrawny boy like you? Protect me?”

Now, it’s true that I’m on the scrawny side. Just haven’t filled out yet. All the Tattnall boys do, eventually. So it did seem funny that scrawny little Hank Tattnall could ever protect Eunice Bailey, who was just as tall and nearly twice my size.

We’d climbed trees and arm-wrestled and all that plenty o’ times, and she always won. But she was only strong when she could find her nerve, and she sure couldn’t find it when those bully boys had a mind to beat down her confidence. And who could blame her? They set upon their target like huntin’ dogs. Not lettin’ up until they was satisfied with the kill.

So I stood back, hands on my hips, lookin’ at the forest refuge around us and called, “Done it before, ain’t I?” Takin’ credit for walkin’ her home the long way, not being scared of the forest like them bullies.

Boy, she really got mad then. Her face turned red as a hot stove and she said, “I’ll show you, Henry Tattnall. You wanna face the worst fear you ever known? Well, be my guest.”

And she stomped off toward old Kimball Manor on the corner of Hemlock and Old Chatsworth Road. I shoulda known right then that Eunice Bailey knew more than I did–about that house, about the Fungus Man, but also just about everything.

Trapper Peak

The Guide stared toward the sunrise over a sea of smog just four hundred feet below his homestead. He scuffed at the ground with his boot and watched dust skitter across the clearing. Long shadows punctuated every pebble.

They were late. Why were the damned pilgrims always late? They needed an early start to reach the summit and return before dark. And there was Zoola to face at the top. It wasn’t wise to keep a dragon waiting.

He brushed hair out of his eyes—when had it gone so grey?— and shoved his hands into his pockets. He’d been guiding the annual pilgrims for thirty years now, almost half his life. Sixty pilgrims up, thirty pilgrims down. It was a nasty business, but if he didn’t do it—

The crunch of tires on gravel announced Jim’s electric pickup finally arriving. Zoola didn’t allow internal combustion on the mountain. Hard to believe people down-below still pumped that poison into the soup they tried to breathe.

The truck rolled to a stop right in front of him, and his friend waved from the driver’s seat.

Friend. That was a stretch for someone he saw one day a year for drop-off and pick-up. But he did like the man. He didn’t ask questions or express many opinions.

“Hey, Old Man. Sorry I’m late,” Jim said.

Again, he thought, but he waved it away as his friend got out. “Glad to see you’re still on the job.”

He took Jim’s offered hand and held onto it, savoring the pressure of palm against palm, the warmth of the flesh, and of the gesture.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Jim said. “Sunshine and clean air one day a year. But, I envy your position, Old Man. When you gonna retire and give someone else a chance?”

“Not gonna happen.” And you’d thank me for that if you knew. He dropped the handshake and looked toward Jim’s passengers.

“So, who are our lottery winners this year?”

The pair were already out of the truck and gaping at the sky. Jim held out the dossiers, but the young woman…. His throat clenched. She was practically the image of— No, he wasn’t going there.

She wore grey homespun shirt, pants, and jacket and a wide grin. A single braid, black as the dragon’s heart, hung nearly to her waist. Dark eyes were crinkled with smile lines. So like—

“Old Man?”

“Sorry, Jim.” He took the documents.

The young woman was Nadie Charlie from Polson. Twenty-five. A scholar of the collapse and the rise of the dragons. He hadn’t realized there was still a settlement up on the big lake. Or scholars anywhere.

The man was Frederick Vider, a fifty-one-year-old merchant from Missoula who apparently owned a good portion of the city. He looked just as he imagined one of Missoula’s wealthy jerk-offs would. Baked on frown, thinning brown hair, stout but reasonably fit. His clothing appeared manufactured. Probably had it imported from Kansas City or some such outlandish place. Probably ate imported real food, too. And lived in a climate-controlled home while his neighbors struggled to keep air scrubbers working and choked down vat-grown algae.

He already knew who he was rooting for. But he also knew Zoola’s preferences. This was going to be a hard one.

“Odd pair,” he said. “But that’s the lottery. I get why folks would enter for the chance of a day in the sun. But why anyone would want to upload into that bastard of a dragon is beyond me.”

“You don’t live in the down-below,” Jim said. “It’s bad and worse every year. If I didn’t get my annual dose of fresh air, I might enter myself.”

“Are you about done, Gentlemen?” Vider said. “I’m here to see a dragon. Shouldn’t we be getting on with it?”

He knew he wouldn’t like this guy. “Hold your horses, Buddy. We’ll be leaving in a few minutes.”

“That’s Mr. Vider to you.” He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the truck.

“Right,” the Guide said. “Come on, Jim. Let’s get you unloaded. We don’t want to keep Mr. Vider waiting.”

Jim dropped the truck’s tailgate and flipped off the tarp. There, behind the uninspiring crates of compressed algae, was the Guide’s yearly splurge. A keg of Missoula’s best beer.

He grew much of his own food in his greenhouse, but the algae packs would round out his needs. Most folk down-below, the algae was all they got.

Jim hefted a crate and carried it to the storeroom. Before the Guide could grab the next one, the young woman was beside him, pulling it out.

“That’s not necessary, Ms. Charlie.”

“Let me help. And please call me Nadie.”

He let her take it and watched her walk away.

“A bit young for you, isn’t she?” Vider said.

The Guide shot him a look, then lifted the next crate. Jim took the next and Nadie the next, and they had the algae unloaded and stowed in a few minutes. Vider watched, like a man used to watching others work, as Jim and the Guide wrestled the keg into the spring house. The Guide ran a hand over the cool metal. Tonight.

Back at the truck, he shook Jim’s hand again. “See you later for pickup.”

“If you’re still alive, Old Man.”

Jim waved out the window as he turned a circle in the clearing, then headed back down the road.

“Hey, Old Man. Let’s get going,” Vider said.

“That’s Guide to you, Mr. Vider.”

“Whatever. Just do your job.” He already had his City-of-Missoula-issued pack on his back.

But Nadie…She stood in the center of the clearing, smile gone, pack dangling from one hand. She faced the trail, but her focus was miles beyond.

“Nadie?”

She shook her head and turned toward him, her smile back in place. “It’s so beautiful here. I mean, I knew it would be, but…It makes me feel hollowed out. And present, as if I’ve just stepped out of a dream.”

Vider snorted, and the Guide ignored him. He supposed he’d be doing a lot of that today. He scanned his homestead one last time, then shouldered his pack. “All right—”

A shadow swept the clearing.

All three looked up as a sixty-foot-long silhouette circled back. The dragon soared on motionless wings, neck outstretched, and serpentine tail trailing. They banked and rose, turned a higher circle, then flew off to the south.

Vider had backed up under a big pine. Nadie stood with her head tilted skyward, her mouth open in a silent oh.

“All right, Pilgrims. Let’s head out.”

“About damn time,” Vider said and took off up the trail.

Nadie followed, adjusting her pack straps, and the Guide brought up the rear. It was best to keep an eye on the pilgrims, keep them moving and on the trail.

The grade eased after a short, steep stretch, and Nadie fell back to walk beside him. “Is that chittering sound off in the woods a bird?”

“Squirrel.”

“Oh. I’ve seen pictures. Do you think we’ll see one up close?”

“Likely, we will.”

“I’ve never been above the smog before. It must be wonderful, living up here under the sun.”

He glanced at her. “There are trade-offs, but yes, it’s pretty nice.”

“Trade-offs?”

She was a chatty one. This was going to be a long day.

The Alchemy Club

>

Old Baltazar came ‘round every Wednesday evening.

Didn’t matter what time of year it was, or whether it was sunny or raining or snowing. Come Wednesday, there he’d sit, fourth stool from the end of the right side of the bar—bartender’s right, that is—holding court. Can’t say as many folks listened to him most of the time. Can’t say as he even listened to himself. But that didn’t stop him from talking.

Of course, you spend time that close to a man who talks like old Baltazar, week after week, year after year, well, you pick up a few things. Ideas, like. Bits and bobs. Facts, maybe—some of ‘em anyway, but lore, too, and hard to say if it’s an art or a science in telling the difference. Maybe there isn’t any difference. Maybe it’s all the same.

You might say that was the point of the whole thing, The Alchemy Club. Started as a high-minded affair, rich old men telling other rich old men why they were right about this and that, and why everyone ought to listen to ‘em. Not many left as can remember those meetings first-hand, but those as do say they were all bluster. Only substance in those meetings is the same one that’s served at the Club today, and that’s a whole lot of alcohol.

It’s just a tavern now, really. Sure, the old Alchemy Club sign hangs out front and there’s a good bit of dusty paraphernalia cluttering up the shelves in between the bottles and glasses, these cucurbits and alembics and lutes and the like. But no more meetings, not even an official chapter. Not here, maybe not anywhere—not anymore. Still, the place tends to draw a certain type of folk, and old Baltazar, he was exactly that type of folk.

That’s not to say it’s all old men nowadays. Far from it. Lots of different folks—not just young and old, but men and women and people from all different places and backgrounds. The one thing that brings ‘em together, that binds ‘em all as sure as a round of whiskies after midnight, is that they all traffic in what they call “the arts.”

Science, most know it as now. A few old timers still call it magic. Whatever they call it, they use a lot of fancy words, the kind that are meant to make a man feel like he doesn’t belong if he doesn’t grok to it, you know? But underneath all those syllables, it’s not so complicated. They’re just trying to understand the world around them. Trying to explain why things happen, and maybe figure out how to make them happen. Same as any of us. Rest of us just don’t smell so much like brimstone, and thank all the gods that ever were or might be for that.

Every so often, some young gun, just out of school and high on the smell of vellum, comes around packing a bag of hoary old chestnuts. “Really, isn’t magic just science we don’t understand yet?” they’ll say as though they just up and invented the notion and it’s the freshest thing going. Old Baltazar, though, he has none of it. Never does.

“Bullshit!” he’ll yell. “Don’t be an idiot!” That knocks the young ones down a peg or two, especially the ones as are used to only being told how smart they are.

Sure, they try to save face. Get that smug little smile. I’ll just humor the senile old man, you can practically hear them thinking. “Then what is magic?” they’ll ask, every single one of ‘em, every time. Not looking for an answer, mind you—asking the question just to prove that they were right in the first place.

But old Baltazar, he gives ‘em an answer all right, and it’s just about as plain and blunt as the nose on his face. “Magic is magic,” he says, “and science is science.” He’ll give ‘em a good look up and down. “Any idiot with a book can do science. Even you, probably.” They’ll spit and sputter, but he doesn’t let ‘em get going. “Magic, though…that’s something different altogether. Not everyone can do magic. Sure as hell you can’t. You wouldn’t even know what it looks like.”

Of course, these young ones, they’re in it now, up to their fool necks and no way out but to grab hold of something, anything, and try to hold on tight. Flailing about, tossing out words like darts and hoping one of ‘em finds the board. The boldest ones, both the smartest and the stupidest, get to the same place right quick, and that’s to say, “Then show me some.”

And old Baltazar—that’ll set him to cackling, all right. Right on the edge of sanity, that laugh, and never in your life have you heard a sound so confident, or so tired. “Stand back,” he’ll mutter, climbing off his stool, pushing his drink aside, and rolling up the sleeves of his robe so his arms, all skin and bones and liver spots, can move freely.

What he does next—and I’ve seen it a hundred times if I’ve seen it once—it’s tough to put into words. Presses his palms together, interlaces his fingers, pulls his hands in against his chest, closes his eyes. Mumbles something down into that scraggly gray beard of his, bits of food stuck in it, and extends his hands out away from his body, fingers still locked together. And then…

Something happens.

Spoons

I stared at the tiny, shiny, silver spoon in the well-wrapped solstice box wishing we’d just gone to the semi-annual Solstice Ball at Castle Ever After instead of exchanging gifts first.

“I did not want to give you love,” he said to me. “So I gave you a spoon!”

He smiled like this made sense. Like the spoon was an appropriate substitution for love.

“Um.” I didn’t know what to say. I tore my eyes from the offending trinket.

“I know love was on your wish list and a spoon wasn’t. But love’s so messy! Just, you know,” his hands sprang into the air and swirled around, “everywhere. And then if things don’t go right, just messy.”

I blinked, my mind still blank. What response did he expect?

“A spoon,” he went on, “is so useful.”

“But it’s so tiny,” I protested. This spoon would not hold cereal or peas. Maybe one or two peas. Definitely not three. Even flower-fairies would struggle to implement this utensil.

“Love starts out small, too. Then grows.”

He was right.

“Does the spoon grow?” I asked, my mind filling with a spoon that gets ever larger until it was a shovel, or maybe it transformed.

He shrugged. “It’s just a spoon. It isn’t magic or anything.”

“Well, thank you,” I said for politeness sake, and I set the gift aside.

He waited expectantly, his brown eyes big, a near-smile on his lips.

He really should have given me anything on my list. I requested more than love. Perhaps, peace and hope had been too vague. A spoon was not near as useful as he thought. Imagine if he’d given me a magic spoon. A magic spoon, yes, that was useful. And why had he specifically mentioned the spoon in lieu of love?

I had a back-up in case the gift exchange disappointed. Oh, how it had gone awry! Initially I wanted to give him joy. But, alas, all he was going to get was this possibly magic bean.

Adria Bailton (she/they) imagines entire worlds and universes to share while spending her days studying atoms, the smallest unit of matter. More of her stories where she strives to create characters that reflect her own bisexuality, neurodiversity, and disability appear in ZNB Presents, Constelción Magazine, and Worlds of Possibility. Originally from the Midwest, she creates from the US PNW, on the traditional territory of several Indigenous nations, including the Stillaguamish, Suquamish, and Duwamish. Find her at www.adriabailton.com

Parlor Tricks

In the pocket of her pants, Molly carried a book of matches. They weren’t necessary, but a little showmanship tended to open the already loose hands on the boardwalk a little wider.

Picking a patron was an art. Younger men worked better than older ones, and a younger man who had only just begun flirting with a girl – or, even better, more than one – worked the best.

Selecting her prize, she sidled up, greeting the women first before turning to the man, saying “Light your cigarette for you, sir?” She held up a match, and before anyone could say a word, she tossed it away, snapped her fingers, and the tip of her ring finger erupted into flame. There was a jump of surprise and a little titter from the women. Then, they reached forward to examine her finger, gripping her by the wrist and passing their own hands over the fire. Molly let them do as they pleased, holding perfectly still until they were satisfied, and the man leaned forward to light his cigarette.

“A penny is customary for a tip,” she said. She always asked with eyes lowered, half-bent at the waist. Before, when she wasn’t as skilled at picking patrons, she had been kicked and laughed at by men too ungentlemanly to honor a contract, even if they hadn’t known they were entering one.

This man laughed but stuck a nickel into her outstretched hand. She straightened, grinned, and tipped her cap. As a final flourish – a gift for generosity – she opened her palm and lit a flame, extinguishing it by pulling in one finger after another.

As she dashed back into the crowd, she cried, “Come visit the Blue Sky theater for more.”

Her next few patrons only tipped pennies, but the final one gave her a dime, so it wasn’t bad for a couple hours work.

She returned to the shabby boarding house on the farthest edge of the shabby side of the island. It had burned down once and was rebuilt worse than before. The windows either wouldn’t open or wouldn’t shut and little puddles of water gathered on the uneven floors in the top rooms when it rained. The food was lousy but plentiful, and the rent was cheaper than anywhere else.

Alice and Annie were on the stairs as she dashed up them.

“Good day, Molly?” Alice asked.

“Yep,” she replied, grinning. “Don’t wait for me. I’ve got to collect Edward.”

Annie turned, but she couldn’t quite hide the look of distaste on her face. Molly did not let this bother her. She never did.

Edward was still in his room when she knocked.

“Ready?” she asked.

He put down the book he was reading. “I suppose,” he said, rising languidly to his feet.

She repositioned the cap on her head, her hair curling around its edges. It badly needed cutting again.

Years ago, she had determined that looking like an interesting boy was better than being an ugly girl and accordingly, purloined Edward’s castoffs, the pants and shirts he outgrew as he gained six inches on her.

She remained small and dark and slight, someone to forget unless she happened to be aflame. He grew tall and golden, which was highly fitting. In their world of cheap parlor tricks, he could do something wondrous.

As the older one, she had figured out her talent first, crying out “watch me” to anyone who would look and, eager and unafraid, set herself on fire. It had taken Edward longer, his talent undiscovered until after they had been plucked from the orphanage and sent to live in the country. When Edward had been unable to sleep, Molly would stroke his hair and tell him the tales she remembered from their father. Then, she got sick, and, to comfort her, he retold these stories, and they came alive, the little characters performing on a private stage meant only for her and Edward. But his gift was inconsistent and, for a long while, only worked in her presence. Once they started on the circuit, she would stand, silent and unseen, in the wings of theaters in his line of sight so that he could perform.

She didn’t have to stand in the wings anymore, but she still did.

He didn’t watch her perform at all.

The Blue Sky theater was a shade of blue so bright it hurt to look at, but despite this impairment, still boasted the best shows on the boardwalk though the owner paid only slightly more than the other theaters offering acts of lesser quality. The Blue Sky had been there longer than the amusement park that sat behind it, but it did well by siphoning off the park crowd.

Inside the theater, Molly left Edward backstage sitting with his eyes closed, head bent forward, hands clasped tightly around his knees. Molly crouched at the stage’s edge and watched Andres, the manager of their troupe, who created sculptures out of ice, Annie who levitated objects and her partner Alice who could disappear but only for around a minute, and Henri who grew plants from nothing.

They trotted out their wares and received their applause, and then Molly stepped on stage. She waited for all the lights to dim before going to work.

It started with the tip of one finger. She held the flame close to her face, before extinguishing it, sinking the room into darkness. She opened her palm and a flame rose from its center. This she tossed to her other hand before allowing it to spread up her bare arms. Eventually, all the flames slid back down and erupted from the ends of her fingers. She extinguished again and then, lighting one finger, began to write glowing messages in the dark. The audience laughed and applauded where they were intended to and, in some places, where they weren’t. By this time, the oil lamps had been set out, so she carefully lit each one, the stage glowing with their soft light, so much better than any of the new electric ones and a far better atmosphere for what came next.

Her applause arrived and went, and Edward stepped on stage. Whether the audience knew it or not, this was what they were waiting for. He smiled, that warm one that he only used for strangers, and said, “Please, will you come closer? The children can sit on the stage, but mind the lamps.”

When everyone was situated, he said, “I’d like to tell you a story. But what story will we have today?” He looked thoughtful and then said, “Let’s have a new one, yes? But what about?” He knelt on the stage beside a flock of children. “Does anyone have any ideas?”

There were always ideas, and today’s were a lion, named Harold, and a bear, named Bear, and a trip under the sea.

“Right,” Edward said. “Let’s begin.”

He spoke, voice honey-warm and sweet, and as he did, a tableau formed itself before him. There they were – the old, scraggly bear and the young, spirited lion and their ship with its many masts and crew of animals, bustling around, their movements as purposeful as Edward’s words. Soon, they dove beneath the waves and encountered wonders that would have been difficult to imagine, but there they were, shimmering in colors that seemed too bright to be real.

It was so still it seemed that the audience had been frozen, hardly moving to breathe as Edward created something fragile but tangible, something better than the gaudy ephemerality found next door at the amusement park.

Once the story was completed, the little ship with its bear captain and sword-wielding lion still remained on the stage, laying inert on the floor. From experience, Molly knew that, when held, this object would hum with the remembrance of the story.

Edward smiled and knelt down in front of a little girl whose mouth was still agape. “Here,” he said. “A souvenir for you.”

The child reached out slowly for it and, once she had it in her possession, cradled it against her stomach. Then, Edward stood, bowed, and left the stage. The applause was, as always, delayed, but when it came it was thunderous. Edward never came out for a second bow which Molly thought he should.

The audience scattered, and the stage was set for the next show. Molly removed each of the lamps with Alice and Annie while Andres and Henri swept the stage.

“I think,” Andres said to Molly, “that we should talk again about the double act.”

Henri shook his head. “He’s never going to let it go.”

“Just think of the spectacle,” Andres said. “Fire and ice.”

“Think of the mess,” Alice said. “Or would you be cleaning up the puddles of water between acts?”

“I was thinking it would be our close,” Andres said.

“Edward always closes,” Molly said.

“Well, he doesn’t have to,” Andres said which was a lie, for no one wanted to go on after Edward.

“I’ll think about it,” Molly said.

Andres nodded, knowing she wouldn’t.

Andres had never liked Edward. Not when they first joined the troupe, not when they started on the circuit, not when Edward became their headliner, and not now. Andres wanted to believe the worst of him. But he didn’t truly know Edward, the boy that she had cared for, who she promised never to abandon, and who had promised to never abandon her.

Edward always slipped outside between shows. He stood on the steps that led into the theater’s backdoor, his arms folded over the railing and his shoulders hunched forward.

Molly fell in beside him. “Light your cigarette for you, sir?” she asked.

“Molly,” he said. He didn’t smoke, and he wouldn’t let her near him with a fire.

“It went well I think,” she said, knowing that he needed the praise and eager to give it to him.

“Do you?” he asked.

“Of course,” she said. “They were dazzled like they always are.”

“They’re easy to dazzle,” he said.

“What’s wrong with that?” she asked.

He shrugged. “You should go back in.”

She patted him on the shoulder and reached for the door. “Don’t be too long.” She let the door slam behind her.

As she knew he would be, Edward was late coming back in for the second show.

“Molly, your brother,” Andres said.

“Yes,” she said and headed outside.

Edward had moved down to the alley’s mouth where he was speaking to a handsomely-dressed man, much too handsomely-dressed to be on this side of the island. This had happened before. Wealthy men came and offered Edward what they believed would be attractive to him, and he always listened politely, and then Molly, seeing them for the exploiters that they were, turned them away. This, however, was the first time he had spoken to one of them without her.

Edward was the type to be taken in. When he was younger, he would spend what little money she was able to give him on cheap novels about virtuous boys who were plucked from the margins and gutters where they resided by well-meaning and kindly patrons who would make them respectable. He still believed, she was sure, in this fantasy.

“Edward,” she called, advancing toward him. “Who are you talking to?”

He turned to look at her and said, “I’ll only be a moment.”

“He has a show now,” Molly said to the other man. “You’re welcome to buy a ticket if you like”

“Thank you, but I’ve already seen it,” he said. He held out his hand for Edward to shake. “I’ll leave you to your work.”

“What did this one want?” Molly asked once the man had gone.

“Nothing of note,” Edward said, slipping in the stage door behind her.

She left him sitting in the dark of the wings, far from the light of the stage.

The Angelhammer

I shifted, and a thought slammed into my mind: I’m in half a body. The arms burned with the cold pain of adrenaline. The heart hammered like a piston, an echo of the previous occupant’s panic. The head rested against a soft, dependable surface, but something scratched and clogged the nose. The neck and shoulders were stiff, but they had strength in them. Below the chest I felt nothing. No stomach, no crotch, no legs, no feet. Praying that the body would at least be an American’s, I forced the eyes open.

A hospital room, bathed in pale neon light. Wherever this was, at least the place still had power. I was lying in a bed, the torso propped up to a 45 degree angle. Visual inspection confirmed that there was, in fact, a lower body as well. The bedsheet outlined the shape of stomach, hips, and legs, but I couldn’t feel them.

A paraplegic. No wonder the previous occupant had panicked. There was, however, no way in hell I would let their useless terror become my own.

I ate the air in deep, measured lungfuls. The heart slowed, and little by little the acid sting subsided from the arms. I lifted them into view. They were a man’s, pale-skinned and muscular, but heavy with hunger. The past few hours had taught me to tune out a thousand pains and discomforts, and it cost me zero effort to suppress the body’s craving for food.

But in the hunger’s wake an itch crept in, a dirty feeling that the body’s skin was a cancer that enveloped me, seeping into me and twisting my shape. I wanted to vomit, and even more so to be vomited out. It was an ugly claustrophobia, a panic that constricted around me, and if I let it swallow me up, I would shift again for sure.

But the past few hours had taught me that this feeling, too, could be tuned out, if at a considerably higher effort. Again I forced myself to think about Jane, about the car wreck crushing her body like a monstrous steel maw, and old, raw grief inflated inside me until there was room for nothing else.

My head was clear, and I scanned my surroundings.

A rain-streaked window framed a cloudy night sky. A tall wheeled table stood next to the bed, but the tabletop was empty. On the floor below lay a still-life of flowers, water puddles, and the fragments of a smashed glass vase. Some pills down there, too, spilled from a tiny plastic cup. It was all irrelevant. Medical machines in a corner. Irrelevant. A television set craning out from a wall mount, its screen black and irrelevant. And on a chair near the opposite end of the room: a pile of clothes and a gym bag.

Highly relevant.

I grabbed the bed’s siderails and pushed. Without the aid of abs, the maneuver was hell on the pecs and triceps. But the muscles were honed and athletic, and I pushed through until the torso was upright. Then I let the body thump to the floor, medical tubes snapping and rickety IV racks clattering. The fall hurt, but it broke no bones that I would have use for. Glass shards cut the skin as I rolled onto the stomach, but I ignored it. I crawled across the linoleum floor, the legs dragging uselessly behind me. A sudden fear: What if someone came though the door and saw me like this? The face warmed as anger smoldered in the chest.

I locked the eyes on the chair, on the clothes and the bag upon it. Unlike the emasculating hospital gown, these were clearly the patient’s property: sneakers, jeans, a hoodie. And the bag, bulging with personal effects and the promise of a phone.

I didn’t have the strength to pull the body upright, so I yanked the gym bag down onto the floor, unzipped it, and rummaged through. Underwear and T-shirts, an empty plastic water bottle, a wallet, keys, and sunglasses in a case. But no phone. What in the goddamn hell. The body was young, in its early twenties. Why was there no goddamn phone? The sunglasses reflected a scared, white, pretty-boy face, spoiled and still unhurt by life. The face stared at me, its nasal tube like some ridiculous plastic mustache. I smashed the glasses against the floor.

“Where is your goddamn phone?” I shouted.

The shrillness of the voice was the body’s, but its imminent hysteria was my own. A useless feeling, and if I wasn’t careful, it would open the door to the claustrophobic panic that would boot me out of this body and into the next. I closed the eyes and counted deep breaths.

It’s okay. It’s okay, because it has to be okay.

Little by little, I calmed down enough to think. To read the situation.

A young man, an athlete of some sort, handsome and blessed with money to pay for care like this. Of course there was a phone. Kid like this could never live without it. Especially not here, paralyzed and trapped in a hospital bed . . .

It would have to be within reach of the bed. On the table right next to it. The table that one of the body’s former occupants had swiped a panicked hand across, spilling everything to the floor. I openened the eyes, twisted the head back around, and scanned the linoleum.

And there, past the flowers and the shards of the broken vase, nestled against a hospital bed wheel, lay the flat, black shape of a phone.

Crawling back toward it felt like basic training, the burn of the shoulders driving me on. I grabbed the phone, and its screen lit up to reveal a photo of its owner dribbling a soccer ball. The local time, apparently, was 5:07 AM. This should have given me a hint as to where I was, but it didn’t. I had no idea how much time had passed since everything fell apart. Less than a day for sure, but the chaos of the shifts had left me too confused to keep track of hours and time zones. But the upper left hand corner identified the cellphone carrier as a UK one. That was something. At least the language wouldn’t get in the way.

I swiped up, hoping that the phone’s owner had activated facial recognition. He had, but the phone’s tiny lock symbol shook like a nervous head, denying access and prompting me to enter a six-digit passcode I had no way of knowing. Some treacherous part of my mind shat out a split-second memory of Jeffrey Poirier’s mousy, meddlesome face.

“Goddamn it!” I shouted, then caught myself and counted breaths.

Could the phone belong to someone else? A nurse, or—No, obviously not. The boy in the lock screen pic was clearly the same person I had seen reflected in the sunglasses.

Except for . . .

I ripped out the nasal tube and swiped up. Neat, colorful app icons fell into formation as the phone’s home screen opened.

All right. I finally had a phone, but for how long? The battery stood at seventeen percent, so video was out of the question. I tapped the green telephone app and entered the only number that I still knew by heart. I turned on the speaker and rolled the body onto its back, then lay there trying not to count the pulses of the ringing tone.

From this angle I could see an old, framed poster on the wall above the head of the bed. It was peppered with tiny drawings of animals, insects, plants, and sea creatures, all connected by a curving line that fractalled from the bottom of the design to its top. Bacteria and jellyfish, a dinosaur, a scorpion, and a soaring eagle, and there, clustered among the mammals, a human head in profile. The poster’s copy read “Tree of Life”. I felt weirdly relieved that the artist had left out one particular animal from the representation.

A sudden memory: Bare feet on a cold concrete floor. My little sister Sharon peeking between a pen’s steel bars, pointing at a piglet suckling a sow’s teat, its rump stained by a vague red birthmark, and Sharon whispering: “See, Clancy, that one’s called Rose cause it’s got a rose on its butt!” And her laughter and my laughter, both cut short as Dad—

The voice from the phone snapped me back to reality. I hadn’t caught its words, but the familiarity of its timbre shook me.

“Hello? Can you hear me?” I said, with all the authority that the body’s vocal chords could muster.

The voice on the other end—a voice I knew more intimately than any other—answered in a rollercoaster of strange, bouncy syllables punctuated by long vowels, bleating and accusatory.

“Do you speak English?” I thundered, cutting off the endless string of Chinese or whatever.

A short pause, and the assault of foreign words resumed. Blood rushed to the face as rage rolled in, and I slammed the floor. Shit! I was so goddamned close! But the heart rate was increasing, and again I counted breaths, forced myself to calm down. I rolled back onto the stomach so I could see the phone. The battery stood at fifteen percent.

No other option. I tapped the video chat icon.

Seconds dragged by, then a trill of electronic notes signalled that the connection was made. A face filled the screen. It seemed uglier than usual, partly because of the weary, frightened expression it wore, partly because it had its rights and its lefts mixed up. This was not really the case, of course. I was just used to seeing the face in a mirror.

I watched my own eyes stare back at me through the screen, not quite meeting my gaze. I watched my own lips form words in a language I didn’t speak. It was a violation, not just of my body, but of the uniform it wore and all that the uniform stood for. Again I wanted to vomit, and clouds of shame blurred my vision. Or was it just the dizzying sense of disorientation? Yes, I decided. Just the disorientation. The moment called for absolute confidence and authority.

I placed the paraplegic’s finger against the pale lips and shushed my own body’s occupant. It worked.

“You,” I said, pointing at the screen, “listen.” I pointed at the paraplegic’s ear.

My face stared back through the phone, fearful and confused.

“I,” I said, pointing at the paraplegic’s chest, “am Clancy Truman.” I traced the finger across the spot that corresponded to where my own body wore my nametag.

My face stared back, uncomprehending, still not meeting my gaze.

I repeated the gestures and the words, desperate for a sign that my body’s occupant understood.

I saw my lip quiver for a second or two, then break back into its torrent of incomprehensible babble. A note of panic rose in my voice, chasing it from its well-practiced baritone into an ever shriller register.

This was hopeless. I saw my eyes darting wildly as my body’s occupant twisted my head from side to side, screaming its garbage language and shaking my phone like some primitive shaman’s rattle. I caught a swooping, disjointed view around the large plexiglass cage at the heart of Anvil Base, with its industrial LED lights and racks of cameras, sensors and computer equipment. My body was apparently still alone inside the cage. If you didn’t count the Angelhammer, of course. Which I sure as hell didn’t. The on-screen image flickered into a scramble of pixels as the foreigner kept shaking the phone and screaming in panic. I closed the eyes.

We were fucked. We were all fucked. I was fucked. Sharon, wherever she might be, was fucked. Anvil Base was fucked, and all the men and women under my command. America was fu—

Quiet.

The phone had gone quiet.