Jake rested in the passenger seat to the purr of the car’s engine, his head gently vibrating against the window. His father held the steering wheel in one hand and hung his other arm out the window, letting a warm breeze dishevel his greying hair. An endless row of barbed wire and wooden posts separated the highway from the fields of canola, blurring past like a yellow brushstroke on blue canvass.
A kangaroo leapt in front of them. The car skidded, launching them into their seat belts. The kangaroo crossed long before they stopped. The smell of burnt rubber drifted through the car.
Images flashed through Jake’s mind.
The premonition returned.
His mother followed the chain of taillights through the city in her pink hatchback. Piano music played on the radio while rain roared outside. With a half-smile and vacant stare, she was heading home after a long day at work.
Swerving across lanes, the four-wheel drive screeched with each turn. It sped through a red light and slammed into his mother’s car in an explosion of glass and twisting steel.
Slumped through her smashed window, across the blood-smeared white hood of the four-wheel drive, his mother’s sky-blue eyes looked forever to the dark clouds.
His eyes snapped open. “Huh?”
“We missed it.” His father drove off. “It’s okay.”
Jake’s trembling fingers pulled at wisps of blonde hair on his chin. Nothing was okay anymore.
“You looked like you were lost in your own world again.”
“J—just th—thinking about Mum.” The sun flashed in his side mirror, reminding him how far their all-day drive had taken them from home – from the place they had all shared. Every day since, and every mile now driven, pulled him further from the family they once had.
“She’s always on my mind too.” His father wiped a tear from Jake’s eye. “Look at you. Ya know, your mother always said grey eyes were some special family secret.”
“Yeah, s—she always said nice things.”
“I’ve been real worried about you. Your schooling…at home…you’ve been distant.” His father reached over and rubbed his knee. “You’re meant to be upset. But…it’s like there’s more going on.” He shook his head. “I just don’t know what’s eating at ya.”
I wish I could stop these thoughts in my head coming true.
“Jake.” His father shook his leg. “I don’t know what more I can do.”
Jake clawed his seat to control his shaking. “There’s nothing.”
“You and me, we need to work through this together…ya know.”
Jake looked at his father and saw three months of worry written into his bloodshot, dark-ringed eyes. Eyes that once shined with happiness – when they were all together. He wished things had not changed. Guilt stung him inside. If only he had done something. “I just wish I could have been there.”
“I’m glad you weren’t.”
“To help her.”
“No one could have done anything.” His father sniffed. “It was over in a heartbeat for her.”
Jake shifted away. “To warn her.”
“Oh, Jake, they said she didn’t even see the other car coming.”
I saw it coming.
His father grimaced. “We’ve been over this. I love you, but this is killing me.” He sighed. “What could you have possibly done?”
He fixed his father a stare. “I kn—knew it was going to happen…b—beforehand.”
His father strangled the steering wheel. “Are you crazy?” He punched the roof. “I’m sorry…I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how to help…and with our money situation on top of things…it’s all been too much.” He sighed. “I’m just hoping this trip to the country helps.”
A hot flush coursed through Jake’s cheeks. He folded his lanky arms and turned away. Darkness cast by trees in the setting sun blanketed their journey ahead. He wondered if his father would ever understand him. No one else did.