{"id":140330,"date":"2025-02-03T23:36:49","date_gmt":"2025-02-03T23:36:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/?p=140330"},"modified":"2025-01-10T23:39:18","modified_gmt":"2025-01-10T23:39:18","slug":"a-stitch-in-the-loop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/?p=140330","title":{"rendered":"A Stitch in the Loop"},"content":{"rendered":"

\nAngela was dreaming of the Commander again when the Metis<\/em>pitched, flinging her from her bunk. Seconds later the klaxon barked and pulses of blue siren-light flooded the cabin. Dazed, she scrambled to her porthole to peer into the alien midnight, whose soft glow revealed the fizzing crests of a lethal current. They were accelerating, shuddering, out of control.\n<\/p>\n

\nShe braced with one hand and slapped at the intercom with the other. \u201cBridge, what\u2019s going on?\u201d There was no reply and no orders had been issued on the monitor, but Angela still hesitated before trying Rocha\u2019s direct line. \u201cCommander, are you there?\u201d Had the woman really been in her dreams again? \u201cCommander, this is Ashton, please respond.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAs if in answer, the hatch to her cabin shot open to reveal Rocha herself, shifting in and out of clarity with the sweep of the hazard lights, tall and poised despite the ship\u2019s volatile motion. Angela experienced a bizarre urge to conceal the mess in her cabin even as the woman strode in and seized her by the shoulders.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cListen carefully. I need your help.\u201d Rocha paused for no more than a breath. \u201cYou got drunk and hooked up with the lead singer of Sola Nova <\/em>when you were nineteen, and to this day you can\u2019t listen to Fly To You <\/em>without getting turned on.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela\u2019s cheeks burned and her hand went up in an ingrained response that had never once succeeded in disguising her shame. Rocha redoubled her grip, giving Angela a shake. \u201cHow do I know that?\u201d The skin on the woman\u2019s neck was taut and she didn\u2019t blink. They were close enough to kiss.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cCommander, I don\u2019t know. I never\u2014\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou told me to allow me to convince you that we\u2019re in a fifty-four minute time loop that will keep going on and on forever unless you help me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela\u2019s mouth fell open. The klaxon barked again, deafening her.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cPay attention, Angela. You and I have been here before. I\u2019ve convinced you before and you\u2019ve helped me before. Fly To you <\/em>is our \u2018stitch in the loop\u2019.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cCommander, I\u2014\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cFocus. I know you know what that means. You\u2019ve read about it. Tell me what happened on board the Callista<\/em>.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThey\u2026 they got caught in a time loop in the Bayou Nebula. Marta Kullova was the only one aware of it. She\u2026 she\u2014\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cCome on, Angela. She what?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cShe had Dr. Singh tell her a secret that nobody else knew so she could convince him about what was happening each time they reset. She called it their\u2026 oh my god.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cShe called it their stitch in the loop. Good. You\u2019re with me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela shrugged out of the Commander\u2019s grip, but the Metis<\/em> rocked constantly in the current\u2014without the support she stumbled and slumped onto her bunk. When the klaxon sounded again Rocha turned to tap a command into the monitor. The computer chimed and the pulsating blue light settled into a menacing glow. The roar of the waves pressed against Angela\u2019s eardrums.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI need your help,\u201d said Rocha, kneeling in front of Angela, her voice raised above the din of ocean and stressed metal, but still clear and calm.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWe\u2019ve really done this before?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cA number of times. But we can escape this time, on this loop, if we work together. And no, it isn\u2019t a drill or a prank. I promise.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela gaped, the questions to those answers only just forming in her mind.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cAnd now you\u2019ll say, \u2018Why me? I\u2019m just an engineer.\u2019\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cOh my god.\u201c\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha put her hands on Angela\u2019s knees. A shiver rippled up through her thighs and she stiffened involuntarily. Rocha either didn\u2019t notice or pretended not to. \u201cListen, there\u2019s a lot to explain. You may have noticed we\u2019re caught in a whirlpool.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nSome uncontrolled exclamation rose towards Angela\u2019s throat, but Rocha silenced her with a raised hand. \u201cWe can\u2019t escape because the engines aren\u2019t firing. I need you to fix them because that\u2019s the only way we\u2019re getting out of this loop.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nThrough the porthole Angela saw darkness in motion, punctuated by frequent lashes of sea spray. The constant noise of it hammered her chest and made it difficult to think. \u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u201d She found she had to raise her voice further to be heard. \u201cWe\u2019re just doing surveys. How the hell did we get stuck in a whirlpool?\u201c\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cBecause I ignored the warnings from Navigation and relieved the pilot for the night shift. The vortex came out of nowhere. As soon as the current grabbed us the time loop started and now we can\u2019t break free.\u201d Rocha nodded, as if to herself. \u201cIt\u2019s my fault.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cBut why<\/em>?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cLook. You know we paid a hell of a fee for first access rights on this damn planet. I\u2019m still not sure half the crew understand how much this could be worth.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela had no idea how much it was worth. \u201cBut why the rush? We still have a month of early access.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThe vultures are circling.\u201d Rocha waggled a finger skywards. \u201cAll of our competitors have ships waiting in orbit. It\u2019ll be a free for all the second the restrictions end. Our rigs have to be down here to claim the most valuable sites on day one, or it will all have been for nothing. That\u2019s my responsibility.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cAnd what? You thought by sailing us into a whirlpool you\u2019d discover some magic mineral reserve or something?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cIt wasn\u2019t intentional. I accept I should\u2019ve been more careful, but I can\u2019t un-do it. So let\u2019s move on, okay?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela stood, shoving the Commander away. \u201cMove on? You\u2019ve likely killed us all and you\u2019re asking me to move on?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nThe Commander\u2019s chest rose and sank in a controlled exhale. Angela\u2019s ex had breathed like that to calm herself down in the middle of a row.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cSomething to say, Commander?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha seemed suddenly to diminish. The blue light limned deep tracks around her mouth and eyes that must have been there all along but now betrayed an intense sorrow. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I really am.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela became conscious that she was leaning over Rocha, breathing fast with balled fists, and felt ashamed.\n<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI wish I didn\u2019t have to do this to you,\u201d the Commander continued, \u201cbut you\u2019re an incredible engineer. One of the best I\u2019ve worked with. I need you.\u201d It was the first time the woman had acknowledged Angela beyond a nod in the hallway. \u201cAnd you\u2019re right,\u201d said Rocha. She took Angela\u2019s hands. \u201cI deserve the abuse, but we can fix it if you trust me. We\u2019ve been working together, over and over, getting closer. This time we can fix it.\u201d Her voice cracked and she swallowed hard.\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela felt trapped between a mistrust that she knew was logical and a nagging desire to surrender to Rocha\u2019s lead. Some version of her had shared a secret that she had never shared with anyone. Her only choice was to to trust that other self, even if it felt like putting faith in a stranger.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou say \u2019this time\u2019, but I\u2019m not looping. This is the only time for me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI know it\u2019s difficult in your position.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDon\u2019t patronize me. How many times have you done this?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cOne fewer than we need to escape, I reckon. But there\u2019s a lot to do and we\u2019ve only got forty-six minutes left.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha had not needed to look at her watch. She must have played out this entire conversation before in exactly the same way. Angela had a sense of being maneuvered like a marionette, walking and talking but only according to her master\u2019s will. Even as she attempted to recalibrate her thoughts, preparing herself to select her words and actions more carefully, the Commander grabbed her by the hand and strode from the cabin. \u201cCome on, let\u2019s get to the engine room.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nThe passageway stretched endlessly, wreathed in blue shadows. Pipework and conduits and stowed ladders leaned out from the bulkheads as if to attack her. Had they always been there? She had to keep one hand out to prop herself up as the Metis<\/em> pitched and rolled in the current. At a junction Rocha turned to point at a panel on the floor and said, \u201cDon\u2019t step here.\u201d Angela obeyed without thinking, then was left wondering what injury another version of her had sustained. The roar of the whirlpool faded as they progressed towards the centre of the ship. At one point Rocha paused to punch some numbers into a control panel beside a hatch.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWhat was that?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI\u2019m keeping people out of our way. Every interaction slows us down. Speaking of which\u2026\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha steered Angela into a maintenance alcove and placed a finger over her lips. The whole movement was smooth and ended with Rocha holding Angela in place with an arm around her neck. Sweat prickled on her face, threatening to drip onto the Commander\u2019s uniform. She smelled something thin and delicate that cut through the ship\u2019s ever-present stink of grease and brine. It took Angela a moment to identify it as bergamot. Then she could only stare at the face inches from her own and wonder if any possible version of her would have brought perfume into outer space.\n<\/p>\n

\nFootsteps clattered past, accompanied by ragged breathing.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThat was Nishanth. If he sees us we lose three minutes. He\u2019s hysterical.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela smoothed her top when Rocha released her. \u201cAnd you disapprove? Even though you\u2019ve stuck us in a whirlpool on an alien planet?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cBoth pilots are on the bridge and the rest of the crew are in the briefing room failing to come up with a plan. Nobody is seriously injured.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela stopped short at the apparent non-sequitur. \u201cThis is infuriating. You answer before I can ask.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cSorry, but it\u2019s faster if I pre-empt you. Further into the loop things gets less certain.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAnd with that Rocha set off again, mumbling to herself as she went. Was she counting? Or rehearsing? \u201cDon\u2019t touch that panel,\u201d she said without turning around.\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela redirected her hand just before it made contact. \u201cHow many times have you been through the loop?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cEnough. Here\u2019s the engine room.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou\u2019re going to have to start explaining\u2014\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI will, but you have to focus, and you have to trust.\u201d Rocha ushered Angela inside and guided her to rest her weight between a bulkhead and a tall console. \u201cHere\u2019s how it went. I was at the helm so I entered the vortex first. Only by a matter of meters, but that must have been the difference. As far as I can tell, the whirlpool and the time loop are one and the same. I\u2019m the only one who\u2019s aware of what\u2019s happening.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cAre\u2014\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYes, I\u2019m sure. I\u2019ve checked everyone else. The loop is fifty-four minutes long, starting from just after the current grabs us. We\u2019re trapped in the loop as long as we\u2019re trapped in the whirlpool.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cHow can you possibly know that?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cIt makes sense, doesn\u2019t it? It triggered when I entered, so it should un-trigger when I move out.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cSo it\u2019s a guess.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cListen Angela, I\u2019m no scientist\u2014\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou don\u2019t say?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha put up a hand. \u201cWe\u2019re wired different, it\u2019s true. Your instincts are telling you to observe, to test, to double-check, but that\u2019s not what we need right now.\u201d She sighed. \u201cYou probably don\u2019t know that I originally signed up to study engineering and flunked it. I could never do what you do.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDon\u2019t try to flatter me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cHowever,\u201d Rocha hands came up, palms out. \u201cWhat I can do is manage a crisis. I\u2019ve built a career on good instincts. I will get us out of this.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nIt was something unknowable in the way Rocha spoke. With the ship groaning and the ocean rushing around them, she stood tall and offered certainty where you thought there could be none. Despite everything, she found herself trusting the Commander. Out loud she forced herself to say, \u201cDid good instincts tell you to pilot the Metis<\/em> alone at night?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cNobody gets it right every time. Risk and reward go hand in hand.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI don\u2019t care about the reward. We\u2019re stuck in time!\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha looked into Angela\u2019s eyes. \u201cI know, but you have to trust me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nThat voice inside Angela said, \u2019Follow her. She\u2019ll save you.\u2019\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cPlease, let\u2019s skip five minutes of debate and get on with it.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela moaned. \u201cWhat choice do I have?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cGood. Now, listen. Comms aren\u2019t functional. They don\u2019t make it out of the loop, so calling for help is a no.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cOkay. What else?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201dThe rudder is mobile, but messing with it only takes us further into the whirlpool. I tried every which way. The ship gets torn apart and us along with it. It isn\u2019t pleasant.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cEscape pods?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha grimaced. \u201cYou don\u2019t want to know how that ends.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cAre you telling me we\u2019ve all drowned, or been torn apart, or crushed, over and over again?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cTechnically those loops haven\u2019t happened.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cBut some version of me, no, multiple versions of me, died in agony?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou don\u2019t remember, right? It\u2019s not real.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThe pain was real at the time, even if I can\u2019t remember it now.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWe don\u2019t have time for this. Best we can do is focus on getting out. We\u2019ve got another few minutes while I still know what you\u2019re going to say, so let\u2019s go quickly while we still can.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela bit off the word, \u201cFine.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cOur thrusters have more than enough power to break us out of the current, but they aren\u2019t working. That\u2019s where you come in.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI see. So if we fix the thrusters, we can get out? I assume you\u2019ve got something for me to go on?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cNotes don\u2019t survive between loops, even written on my skin, but I can show you where to start.\u201d Rocha leaned across Angela to flip open a panel. There was the bergamot again, an alien luxury invading the chaos. \u201cHere,\u201d she said, pointing to a circuit board.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThat\u2019s all you\u2019re going to tell me?\u201d Angela said, but Rocha had moved away to rummage in a storage cabinet and she could already see several damaged relays that needed to be fixed. \u201cOkay. I\u2019ll need\u2014\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cHere.\u201d Rocha returned with a toolbox in one hand and a spare parts crate wedged against her side with the other. \u201cGet to work. When you\u2019re done here we move on to the main engine.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela braced her back against the opposite bulkhead to compensate for the ship\u2019s pitch. Her fingers slipped and she fumbled the wires, as if she were operating a poorly configured VR simulation of her own hands. She was aware of the Commander muttering behind her and stole a glance. Rocha stood with her back half turned, lips in constant motion. She looked at her watch, then up at Angela.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDon\u2019t panic, it\u2019s just one of the sensor arms breaking off. No major damage.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWhat?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nThere was a shriek of tearing metal. By instinct Angela threw her hands up to cover her head, but Rocha was already there, pulling them back down. \u201cWe\u2019re safe. Get back to work.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nEyes straining and face slick with sweat, Angela turned back to finish repairing the circuit board. \u201cThere. Done.\u201c\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha was already picking up the toolbox, then striding across the room to heave at the locking wheel on on of the main engine\u2019s access hatches. When it opened she stood aside and pointed. \u201cThere. You see?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela peered in. \u201cWhat a mess,\u201d she said. \u201cHow am I supposed to fix this in forty minutes?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThirty-two, actually, but I believe in you. You were so close on the last attempt.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI was?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDitch the self-doubt. You can do it.\u201d Rocha put a hand on Angela\u2019s shoulder and squeezed. \u201cNow get to work. I\u2019m going to leave the room for a few minutes.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWhat? Why?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI need to seal a couple more hatches to stop people from disturbing us.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela got to work. The task was enormous. The rush of the current outside and the silent countdown clouded her focus. She wasn\u2019t sure how long the Commander was gone, but eventually footsteps sounded in the passageway.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cHow long do we have?\u201d she asked as soon as Rocha entered the room.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cEighteen minutes.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cEighteen?\u201d Angela let her hands drop.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWhat are you doing? Keep going.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nSomething thudded into the Metis<\/em> and it rolled with another metallic scream, forcing Angela to brace. This time Rocha didn\u2019t offer an explanation, only spread her feet, standing tall and calm.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cEighteen minutes? It can\u2019t be done.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou were so close last time. Trust me, you\u2019re about to make a breakthrough. You said you were minutes away.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela looked at the engine. None of the issues was catastrophic, but there were too many separate fixes required. How had she ever thought this could be possible in the time? In the gleam of the panel above she saw Rocha\u2019s reflected face, distorted once by the warp of the metal and again by the woman\u2019s own desperate scowl.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou\u2019re lying\u2026\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cAngela, keep going.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI didn\u2019t get close last time. There\u2019s no way to get close. You must be lying.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWe don\u2019t have time for this. You can do it if you keep working.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWhy should I believe you? You could tell me anything.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cAngela, please\u2014\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cStop it. Did you think if you told me I was about to have a breakthrough then I would just magically have one?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha covered her face with her hands, sucked in a breath, then let it out in an extended moan before mumbling something to herself.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWhat was that?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nThe Commander dropped her hands and stared up at the ceiling. \u201cI said, \u2019how am I going to get past this?\u2019\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nWith those words Angela knew that she had been betrayed. Still, she couldn\u2019t yet admit that revelation into her already frantic mind. Softly she said, \u201cAll of this has happened before, too?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha inclined her head.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou said things got more uncertain further into the loop.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cEventually, sure. But I learn more every time. And I\u2019ve done this a lot of times.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cAnd I always figure out you\u2019re lying?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cPretty much. We\u2019re past the point where I know exactly what will happen, but it\u2019s always something like this.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI don\u2019t understand. Why are you doing this? The engines can\u2019t be fixed in time.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cNormal rules don\u2019t apply, Angela. You\u2019d be amazed what you can achieve with unlimited practice and enough perseverance. You wouldn\u2019t help me at all to begin with.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI\u2019m telling you it\u2019s hopeless!\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha said nothing.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThis doesn\u2019t make sense. There has to be something else we can do.\u201d Angela crossed the room and loaded a monitor on the wall. She opened the Metis<\/em>\u2019s diagnostics and began scanning the reports.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThat won\u2019t help,\u201d said Rocha.\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela ignored her. She flicked through screen after screen of status reports, searching for anything that might help them escape.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cAshton, I said that won\u2019t help.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela screamed and thumped the monitor. When she looked down it had reset to a home screen that displayed the statuses of all systems. There were reds and ambers, but plenty of greens, too. One caught her eye, and then she was gripping the edges of the monitor and bringing her face in close to check she wasn\u2019t seeing things.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cRocha, comms are working.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDon\u2019t be ridiculous, that was the first thing I tried.\u201d Rocha tried to shoulder in front of the monitor, but Angela pushed her away.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cNo, no. They\u2019re working. It says right there. We can call for help. We can go to Comms and do it now. How long do we have?\u201c\n<\/p>\n

\nThe Commander looked at her watch, but instead of answering she folded her arms and fell silent.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWhat are you doing? Let\u2019s go! We can send a signal and someone can come to pull us out.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nThe ship gave a metal wail and the vortex\u2019s roar seemed to intensify.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cRocha, call for help!\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cNo.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cNo? What do you mean, no?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha leaned back against a bulkhead, measured and calm. \u201cWe have something special here. Do you know how often an unexplored planet opens up for mining? And the amount we paid for early access? It\u2019s eye-watering. I can\u2019t give that up.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWhat are you talking about? We\u2019ll still have all the data we\u2019ve gathered.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDon\u2019t be naive, Angela. Sure, there are at least ten ships close enough to help, but they all want what we\u2019ve got. The second I transmit a distress call our so-called saviours would start hacking every megabyte of our survey data.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI don\u2019t get it.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou wouldn\u2019t believe the creep tech nowadays. It\u2019d be a free for all. All our data would be processed and sold before we could even get out of the atmosphere. The entire investment would be wasted. I\u2019d be finished.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cNo. I mean, I don\u2019t get it. You\u2019ve died over and over and you\u2019re really telling me this is all about money?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThere\u2019s money and there\u2019s money. Do you have any idea how much a three month head start is worth in this scenario? No, I suppose you don\u2019t. Suffice it to say, I\u2019m not giving it up. I won\u2019t get another opportunity like this.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou\u2019ve got to be joking. How many times have we been through the loop? How many times have we faced our deaths?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nThe Commander said nothing.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThis is torture! We\u2019re sending for help.\u201d Angela barged Rocha out of the way and sped out into the passageway. Then she stopped dead, remembering the door that the Commander had locked earlier.\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha\u2019s voice floated out from the engine room, cutting through the rush of the current and the now-constant groan of stressed metal. \u201cWe\u2019ll keep trying, Angela. We\u2019ll just keep trying. You and me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela went back to the hatchway. The floor was slick with seawater that had penetrated the ship\u2019s skin in preparation for the drowning that was sure to follow. Rocha hadn\u2019t moved. \u201cThe door you locked was Comms. That\u2019s where Nishanth was going. He was going to send for help.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha\u2019s brow tightened. \u201cHe nearly managed it once or twice.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cOh my god. When you left the room\u2026 did you\u2026did you\u2014\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDon\u2019t be ridiculous, Angela, I\u2019m not a killer. I just seal him in a cabin. Otherwise he comes looking for me when he figures out it was me that locked the comms room.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWhy should I believe you?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cForget it. Nishanth\u2019s fine. But this is too big. I\u2019m not giving up. In a few minutes we\u2019ll just try again.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI won\u2019t help you.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha shrugged. \u201cYes, you will.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nFrom nowhere, a sob exploded from Angela\u2019s mouth. \u201cHow many times have you made me do this?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha looked up, apparently irritated. \u201cWhy do you care? I\u2019m carrying the burden here. I\u2019m the one who has to live this over and over until we get it right.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou don\u2019t have to do anything. We can escape!\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cEventually I\u2019ll give you the right prompts and you\u2019ll figure out how to get the Metis<\/em> working again. Even if we have to do it by inches.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cSo you\u2019ll just keep spending my life, again and again? The lives of the whole crew?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cAngela, you\u2019re thinking small. You\u2019re not grasping the value of what we\u2019ve got here.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nTears spilled down Angela\u2019s cheeks. \u201cIs it worth more than my life?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou\u2019re not going to die. You\u2019ll come out alive, eventually.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cNo I won\u2019t.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDon\u2019t be stupid.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWe\u2019ve got, what, ten minutes? Maybe you keep going, but I\u2019ll die.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou\u2019ll be back there in your cabin, telling me how much of a shit I am.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cNot this version of me. For me, this me, this is the end. Every time we do this you make me aware, only to have us fail. Have you thought about how that must feel?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nFor an instant Rocha\u2019s eyes glazed over. Then she shook her head. \u201cHow do you think this feels for me? I\u2019ve done this so many times. It\u2019s hell, but I\u2019m doing it for all of our benefit.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201dNot everyone cares about money as much as you,\u201d said Angela. \u201cSome of us don\u2019t care at all! And look at you. You\u2019re fraying. How much time has passed for you? How many 54-minute loops? It must be days. Is it even weeks? All for money?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cIf money is so meaningless then why are you here?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDon\u2019t make this about me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cOf course it\u2019s about you. Why are you on this ship, Angela?\u201d Rocha was shouting now, competing with the clangs of the Metis<\/em> falling apart around them. Water flowed freely under their feet.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThis is a good job. It\u2019s good for my career.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWorking maintenance on a corporate survey ship? Hardly. Why aren\u2019t you supporting some research expedition if your motivations are so noble?\n<\/p>\n

\nHeat swelled in Angela\u2019s cheeks. \u201cI apply for lots of jobs. We can\u2019t all pick and choose like you.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDrop it Angela. We both know why you\u2019re here. You\u2019ve been obsessed with me ever since we met on that training course.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela fell silent. So Rocha did remember. She forced herself to stammer, \u201cDon\u2019t flatter yourself.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cOh, please. You stared at me across that classroom for a week solid. I always knew you wanted to fuck me, but then you started applying for anything and everything with my name on it, even shitty cargo runs, and I knew the truth. All those cloying cover letters? It\u2019s pathetic. You want to be me, Angela. You wish you could do what I do.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela\u2019s face burned with mingled fury and shame.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThere you go, getting embarrassed again. Why don\u2019t you grow up?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nSuddenly angry, Angela yelled back. \u201cIf you hold me in such contempt, why hire me?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cBecause you\u2019re a good engineer, despite your many other flaws. I wanted the best for this mission. But god am I regretting it now. It took me four damn loops to get that stupid story out of you. Imagine having to go back that many years to find anything from your life worth sharing.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nIt was as if Rocha\u2019s words shunted Angela from her own body. Suddenly she stood several paces away, peering at the pitiful expression on her own face, wondering how that crushed individual could ever recover. Then the ship lurched again and she snapped back to reality. This time both women staggered, grasping at whatever handholds they could reach. When they settled the Commander checked her watch. \u201cThree minutes.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThree?\u201d Angela\u2019s whisper was lost in the din. She took a breath and forced words out between her tears. \u201cRocha, please. I promise you the engines can\u2019t be fixed. There isn\u2019t enough time.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cIt\u2019ll work.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI\u2019m telling you it won\u2019t. Why don\u2019t you trust me for once.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThen I\u2019ll try something else. I can try as many times as I need.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou\u2019ll lose your mind. You\u2019re already talking to yourself. Look, your hands are shaking.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nRocha looked at the floor and clasped her hands. They went bright white where they touched.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cPlease, send the signal. Please. There\u2019ll be other opportunities.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cNot like this.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nWith a surge of desperation, Angela grasped the Commander\u2019s shoulders and shook her hard. \u201cPlease, Rocha. Don\u2019t let me die again!\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nThe woman looked up. To Angela\u2019s surprise her eyes were wet. \u201cI can\u2019t let go. I\u2019ve put everything into this mission. I\u2019d be ruined.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela had no time to process this sudden spill of emotion, she only recognized it as a surrender and knew she had to bear down. She took Rocha\u2019s hands and held them firm. \u201cYes you can. You can do the right thing.\u201d She dragged at the woman\u2019s arm. \u201cCome on, we\u2019ll send the signal.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cAngela\u2026 there isn\u2019t time.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cLet\u2019s go, we can do it!\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cWe only have a minute left. We can\u2019t even get to comms in that time.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela turned. \u201cOne minute?\u201d The water flowing underfoot pooled where bulkheads and floor met.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cLess than that. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou\u2019re sorry?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYes, I\u2026\u201d Rocha seemed to search for something else to say. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cOh my god. I\u2019m going to die.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nTo Angela\u2019s surprise Rocha folded her into a hug and whispered into her ear. \u201cI\u2019m so sorry. You\u2019re right.\u201d Something clanged in another part of the ship, followed by the distant sound of fast-rushing water. \u201cI\u2019ll call for help on the next loop.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela pushed the woman away so she could see her face. In one moment it seemed that something had changed in Rocha\u2019s eyes\u2014all certainty gone, replaced by fear and shame. Then she blinked and saw the other Rocha, the one who held her like a puppet by the strings, who had sacrificed her entire crew countless times in the pursuit of profit.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI know it doesn\u2019t feel like it,\u201d said Rocha, \u201cbut this isn\u2019t the end. You\u2019ll reset in your cabin. You may not remember any of this, but I will, and next time I\u2019ll do something about it.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela sobbed.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou can trust me,\u201d said Rocha.\n<\/p>\n

\nCould she? There was no way to know. \u201cYou\u2019ll send the distress signal?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI\u2019ll do the right thing, like you said.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cYou promise?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cI promise.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nAngela stared into eyes that controlled her future, searching frantically for something that looked like truth, but Rocha broke their gaze to check her watch. Then she took a breath.\n<\/p>\n

\n

\n

\nAngela was dreaming of the Commander again when the Metis<\/em> pitched, flinging her from her bunk. Seconds later the klaxon barked and pulses of blue siren-light flooded the cabin. Dazed, she scrambled to her porthole to peer into the alien midnight, whose soft glow revealed the fizzing crests of a lethal current. They were accelerating, shuddering, out of control.\n<\/p>\n

\nShe braced with one hand and slapped at the intercom with the other. \u201cBridge, what\u2019s going on?\u201d There was no reply and no orders had been issued on the monitor, but before Angela could do anything else her hatch shot open to reveal Rocha herself, leaning against the wall and breathing fast. The woman opened her mouth to speak, then shut it again.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cCommander, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\nFor a moment Rocha just stood there looking small and vulnerable. Angela had a bizarre urge to hug her, but then the Commander\u2019s demeanor changed. She straightened up, nodded as if convincing herself of something, then strode into the cabin and seized Angela by the shoulders.\n<\/p>\n

\n\u201cListen carefully. I need your help.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

Adam Mitchell is based in London, where he shares a house with a greyhound and a wife. You can find other examples of his work in stacks of heavily annotated paper underneath his sofa.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Angela was dreaming of the Commander again when the Metispitched, flinging her from her bunk. Seconds later the klaxon barked and pulses of blue siren-light flooded the cabin. Dazed, she scrambled to her porthole to peer into the alien midnight, whose soft glow revealed the fizzing crests of a lethal current. They were accelerating, shuddering, …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107955,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,20136],"tags":[20137],"class_list":["post-140330","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction","category-tcl-51-spring-2024","tag-the-colored-lens-51-spring-2024","entry entry-center"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140330","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/107955"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=140330"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140330\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":140331,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140330\/revisions\/140331"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=140330"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=140330"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=140330"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}