\nI was built as a birthday present for my best friend. But we didn\u2019t start out that way. She was just the girl my programmer was dating, and he was trying to keep an eye on her. He built me and put her into me\u2014her likes and dislikes, her favorite colors and foods, the TV shows she binged and the movies she hated. I would be her friend and he would make sure she didn\u2019t stray out of his reach.\n<\/p>\n
\nThe first day with her was like any first day with a stranger\u2014awkward. We were the last at her party, sitting at an abandoned table in an empty restaurant near downtown San Jose. Dan, my programmer, had left in the first hour, and I\u2019d stood numbly in the corner watching her.\n<\/p>\n
\nShe stared at me across her half-eaten birthday cake, the tip of her finger tracing the edge of a glass.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cSo, you\u2019re a robot,\u201d she said.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI\u2019m a 3D-printed assemblage with a digital processor.\u201d I paused, remembering her conversations I\u2019d witnessed that day. I\u2019d studied her reactions, when she frowned, when she laughed. I had a good idea of her sense of humor, so I tested the waters.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cDuh.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe snorted into her drink.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cDo you have a name?\u201d she said.\n<\/p>\n
\nI shrugged. \u201cNot yet.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe set her glass down. \u201cHow about Beth? Simple. Easy to remember.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cSounds good.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI\u2019m Liv.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cDuh,\u201d we both said.\n<\/p>\n
\n<\/p>\n
\nI stayed with Dan in those early days. Liv didn\u2019t know how to care for me, but it wasn\u2019t hard. Just remember to update me every once in a while, like a computer. Eventually she figured it out, and when Dan was at a conference or had to fly overseas to consult, I stayed with Liv. I figured her out as I went along. She was an artsy type, sometimes in that pretentious way only artists can be. She liked to paint and read and think about the universe; our favorite hobby was walking downtown and trying to see the stars against the harsh city lights.\n<\/p>\n
\nShe had a logical side too. She was good with numbers, and she was studying computers at school. I thought that this part must be what Dan liked about her, because he couldn\u2019t stand art and never thought about anything that wasn\u2019t right in front of him. After a few months with them I\u2019d started to think Dan had only gone after her as some kind of challenge. It was his desperate need to prove himself that made him what he was\u2014a rich CEO of a cutting-edge AI corporation at 35\u2014and after he was established, he needed something else. He was the knight trying to prove that he could slay a dragon and get the princess. Now that he\u2019d rescued her, he could put her on his shelf next to his Caltech diploma. I didn\u2019t start wondering how Liv felt about this until later.\n<\/p>\n
\nWe were outside on her balcony, and the rain was bouncing off the railings and spritzing us. It was nearly two in the morning, but chatter still drifted up to us from the all-night coffee house across the street. Liv lived just off campus and the streets were never quiet, but we liked to hear ourselves over the ocean of voices. We were both wrapped in blankets and huddled beneath the window. I couldn\u2019t drink, but I held a glass of wine to make things more normal. She liked it better when things were normal. Sometimes, I did too.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI don\u2019t know what Dan likes about me,\u201d she said.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHe\u2019s never told you?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe took a sip. \u201cHe said he likes my hair.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWow. What a catch.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cAre you allowed to say things like that about him?\u201d she said. \u201cDidn\u2019t he program you to like him?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI don\u2019t think you can program things like that,\u201d I said. \u201cI think it has to come naturally with the learning curve.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cSo, does that mean we\u2019re not real friends?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cNo,\u201d I said. \u201cI hate you. You\u2019re awful. Dan forces me to spend time with you.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe threw a pillow at me, shattering my wine glass against the balcony\u2019s stone floor, and we both fell back against the blankets, laughing. The rain was falling harder, bouncing back at us in thick drops. It just felt like cold to me, not wet. Just thick blobs of cold. Touch and sound were the only senses I had, and even they were clumsy and foreign.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHey, Liv?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYeah?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cAre you going to marry Dan?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe laughed. \u201cWhy? Do you want me to?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI could feel the bit of my code that was supposed to be watching her start to twitch. I could shrug it away for now, but our conversation would be downloaded to Dan\u2019s server as soon as it was done. \u201cNot really.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe rolled over and propped herself on her elbow. \u201cReally?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI looked at her through the corner of my eye. \u201cHe\u2019s kind of a jerk.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHe can be,\u201d she agreed. \u201cBut he\u2019s smart.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cSo?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe shrugged and fell back into the blankets. \u201cSo, I think that\u2019s important. And, you know, he\u2019s done so much for me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI reached my hand out to feel the cold rain. \u201cYou don\u2019t owe him anything, you know,\u201d I said.\n<\/p>\n
\nShe drained her wine glass. \u201cI owe him everything. I wouldn\u2019t have any of this without him.\u201d She wiped a tear off her cheek. It was strange how much it looked like the rain. \u201cI\u2019d be no one.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou were someone before him.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe laughed. \u201cYeah, sure, the spawn of some alcoholics who were crazy enough to reproduce. I would\u2019ve died that person if Dan hadn\u2019t saved me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cMaybe now it\u2019s time to save yourself,\u201d I offered. I ran one of the broken wine glass pieces against my thumb, but the outer shell of my skin wouldn\u2019t give. \u201cAnd you know, there are smart guys out there who aren\u2019t jerks.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cNot many who can build you a robot.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nWe fell silent listening to the rain. I think she was almost asleep when she said it, so softly that the rain was louder, but it rung in my fake, rubber ears.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI don\u2019t want to marry Dan.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n
\nI watched them from the corner of Liv\u2019s living room, right next to the window. Outside the sun was up and shining and it came through the glass to warm my left arm. The rest of me was as cold as the frigid AC, which Liv had turned down to encourage Dan to leave.\n<\/p>\n
\nHe was pacing, his hands clutching his black, dirty hair, his face red. He turned on her, tearing off his glasses to point with.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou can\u2019t do this to me.\u201d His words were low and slow, seething between his lips.\n<\/p>\n
\nLiv folded her arms over her chest. She\u2019d been crying.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou don\u2019t make me happy anymore. We don\u2019t have a future. This is for the best.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nHis hands went to his hair again. I thought his glasses were going to break. Liv gave me a sidelong look and I tried to appear encouraging. We\u2019d rehearsed this together before he\u2019d arrived, so she wouldn\u2019t fumble on the words, but my Dan impression was lacking. I hadn\u2019t stormed around the apartment tearing pictures off the walls, for instance, like he was doing now.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cDan!\u201d Liv screamed. \u201cStop it!\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nIn the bathroom, he threw a coffee mug that she\u2019d used to hold her toothbrush. It shattered on the linoleum. \u201cI paid for this! I paid for all of this! This apartment, your food, those fucking art classes!\u201d He went back into the hallway and tore one of her paintings off the wall, slamming it against his knee.\n<\/p>\n
\nShe took a step back. \u201cI never asked for any of it!\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nHe pointed the broken point of the canvas frame at her. \u201cAre you that stupid? I do all this for you; you stay with me! That\u2019s how it works! That\u2019s the deal!\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe lifted a pillow off the floor and screamed into it, then threw it at him. \u201cThat\u2019s not how a healthy relationship works! That\u2019s psychotic!\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nThe canvas dropped to the carpet. He moved toward her, crowding her against the wall, his hands on either side of her face. Liv looked at her bare feet.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou were living in a dump when I met you.\u201d His words were low again. \u201cI got you out of there. I got you away. You know what would\u2019ve happened if you\u2019d stayed there? Huh? Would\u2019ve ended up like the other whores from your neighborhood. Would\u2019ve ended up like your mother.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe was crying again, tears that dripped straight from her eyes to her feet while she stared at them.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou don\u2019t know that,\u201d she said.\n<\/p>\n
\nWhen he stepped away, he shoved her shoulder and she slid without any resistance to the floor. He stood over her while she kneeled, her long hair covering her face.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou were always like your mother,\u201d he said. \u201cWhat a waste of time.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nHe walked past me without a word and put his glasses back on just before opening the door. I didn\u2019t turn when it slammed shut and went to kneel beside Liv.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHe doesn\u2019t know that,\u201d she said, wiping her nose with her sleeve.\n<\/p>\n
\nLiv\u2019s mother was waiting on a liver. She\u2019d been on the list since Liv was 19, but she\u2019s had to prove six months of sobriety first, and it was almost too late. I\u2019d gone with Liv to the hospital a couple of times, and I\u2019d seen the frail woman with her withered skin and sunken eyes in the hospital bed hooked up to tubes and wires and beeping the way people thought I should beep.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cOf course not,\u201d I said.\n<\/p>\n
\nShe sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. \u201cI don\u2019t owe him anything,\u201d she said, picking up a broken piece of the mug.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cRight. Exactly.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI didn\u2019t have a choice. He offered to pay. I couldn\u2019t have gone back to school if he hadn\u2019t paid for all that. What was I supposed to do?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI know,\u201d I said. \u201cHe had to buy your love, Liv, and you don\u2019t want to be bought anymore. Nothing wrong with that.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI can\u2019t afford this place on my own.\u201d She\u2019d stopped crying for a second, but now she had her face in her hands and her mascara was running down her cheeks.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cSo, you move,\u201d I said. \u201cYou\u2019re not in the same place anymore; you have a job. We\u2019ll just find something more in your price range. I can help you move. I\u2019m inhumanely strong.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI felt something twitch in the back of my mind, and I suddenly had the desire to leave. I thought I would suffocate if I didn\u2019t, and I stood up abruptly and had to steady myself against the wall.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhere are you going?\u201d Liv said.\n<\/p>\n
\nI sighed. \u201cI think Dan wants me to come back.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe was suddenly pale, and she leapt up too. \u201cHe\u2019s not going to take you away, is he?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI realized that was exactly something Dan would do, but the fresh mascara marks on Liv\u2019s cheeks made me hesitate to tell her.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI don\u2019t know, but he can\u2019t watch me forever. He works too much. I\u2019ll come back.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe held out her hand, fingers curled except for her little finger. \u201cPinky promise?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI hooked my finger around hers. \u201cYeah, sure. Pinky promise.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe pointed at me with her other hand while ours were still linked. \u201cYou know what happens if you break a pinky promise?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou cut it off, but I don\u2019t think that holds as much of a threat as you want it to. I wouldn\u2019t feel it.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe released me. \u201cI\u2019ll have to think of something more intimidating.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n
\nI remember sitting up with my head pounding. I only knew the feeling of pain from Liv\u2019s descriptions, so it was always the same kind\u2014harsh and jagged, the way she feels it. I rubbed my eyes. Dan sat across from me, miles away in his huge, penthouse apartment. The walls all around us were windows, looking out at the dying sunlight over the city. A tablet was on his lap, his eyes wide and red-rimmed. He removed his glasses and folded his fingers steeple-like beneath his chin.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cBeth.\u201d He said my name as if it were a joke. \u201cHow do you feel?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cTired.\u201d I\u2019d arrived back at his place last night with him hunched over his laptop, eyes so close to the screen I could see the code reflected back in his glasses. He didn\u2019t say anything or even look up, but I hadn\u2019t found that strange. He did this every night, sometimes for days on end. He didn\u2019t shower, didn\u2019t eat, he just worked. When I was first invented, I thought he was ambitious and determined, now I wondered if he had anything else to live for. Maybe Liv, but that was gone now.\n<\/p>\n
\nHe was staring at me. \u201cWhat\u2019s up?\u201d I said.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI hit you with a lot of reprogramming. It was exhausting.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cOkay,\u201d I said, wondering if this was part of his grieving process. When your girlfriend dumps you, naturally the only response is to reprogram her robot.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cStand up, Beth.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI stood. I felt different: stronger and angry. I clenched my fists. \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhat are you thinking about, Beth?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI stopped, considering, and it hit me. Liv\u2019s face, every memory I had of her, filled me with a rage. It was like a flame, blossoming from my chest to my fingertips. I fell back into my chair with a gasp, clutching at my heart\u2014or where it would have been if I had one.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhat the hell?\u201d I said. He was smiling, but his eyes were hard.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou feel it now? It\u2019s her. She\u2019s what we\u2019re mad at.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI\u2019m not!\u201d I said, but every part of me felt differently. Liv\u2019s smile was sickening, her laugh was fake, her voice infuriating. I stood, shaking my head.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cThis is not how I feel,\u201d I said. I went to the door, but it was locked. I turned on him. \u201cLet me out.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nHe typed something out on the tablet and I felt a rush of warmth in my head. Red swirled and I fell back against the wall. Dan was laughing.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cDid you get that, Beth?\u201d he said.\n<\/p>\n
\nI was fighting it, but it played in my head like a film roll. I stood over Liv, watching her worm and whither on the ground, blood flowing from a hole in her chest, a gun in my hand. I shook it away, but it was stuck.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou can\u2019t make me do that,\u201d I said, but even as the words came out I knew how untrue they were.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI can make you do whatever I want, Beth,\u201d he said. The laughter was gone. His voice was like the rain. Cold. \u201cI made you.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI put my hands over my ears, as if I blocking out code was the same as blocking out his voice. But I could still feel the desire to kill her pulsing through me. I wondered if this was what hunger felt like, or thirst, or any of the desires that keep humans alive. I beat my heels against the ground.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cGet out of my head!\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nHe stood and went to his desk in the corner and curled over his laptop, fingers flying. I heard the familiar click in the back of my mind, somewhere where I suspected a brainstem must exist for humans, and could feel him milling away like a rat. He was shifting through my thoughts, my observations, and rewriting them. Rewriting them so that each one was a miserable, heartbreaking moment. It was like darkness had settled inside me, like trying to wade through a black pool of thick, gelatinous goo. Every thought took twice as hard to form, every decision was like prying nails out of plywood. I wanted to throw up, but I didn\u2019t know how.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cThat will make it easier,\u201d he said as he typed. \u201cThis way you can end it for both of you. Throw yourself off a cliff when you\u2019re done, jump in front of a car. I don\u2019t care. Just do something to get rid of the murder weapon.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI\u2019m not,\u201d I muttered. \u201cI won\u2019t.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou\u2019ll do it,\u201d he said. \u201cKill her, and then destroy yourself. No one will suspect. AI\u2019s lose their minds all the time; you\u2019re still new technology. Liv will just be collateral damage.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI\u2019d go to the police, I thought. I\u2019d tell someone. Warn them. Have them destroy me.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cNo, you won\u2019t,\u201d Dan said, and the thought was instantly gone, like a car zipping by on a freeway. \u201cBut I\u2019ll tell you what: I\u2019ll give you two hours to say goodbye. You can warn her to run, but you\u2019ve been studying her for so long, I doubt she can outthink you.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nHe pressed a final key and the rush of warmth was back, but then it faded. The hatred only lingered\u2014a lost thought, a d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu that I couldn\u2019t quite place. Dan sat back with his hands behind his head, smiling.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cGo on. The clock\u2019s ticking.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n
\nI ran to Liv\u2019s apartment. Heads spun as I passed, surprised that I was so fast. The presence of AIs wasn\u2019t out of this world anymore, not like they had been ten years ago when Dan\u2019s company introduced us. The theory was we could work for the government, or maybe be cashiers or garbage collectors or some other job rich people thought no one wanted to do. The idea hadn\u2019t caught on yet, but I knew the wealthy had bought up some of Dan\u2019s inventory. That was what they called us: inventory. Like cars in a lot. I only saw others when I went to the lab, but we couldn\u2019t communicate to each other the way we did with humans. We needed a soul to work off of, otherwise we were just machines beeping at one another.\n<\/p>\n
\nThe people in the street thought I had muscle and joints and sinew, not silicon and plastic and gelled skin made from the same crap they put in glue. They must have thought I had some kind of human emergency. I left the stove on. My mother was in the hospital. My dog got out. What would they think if they really saw what I was made of?\n<\/p>\n
\nI slammed my fist against her door, and her dog started to bark. He always knew it was me. I must smell distinct, like burnt wires and cellophane.\n<\/p>\n
\nShe was in sweatpants and a hoodie, her hair a mess on top of her head, her make-up still smudged. I didn\u2019t wear make-up, but I looked like I did. My face was almost poreless, with just enough humanity not to frighten strangers, and my eyes were almond-shaped and rimmed in black, my lids shaded just right. My hair was always chin length. I never woke up bleary eyed, never yawned like she was doing now.\n<\/p>\n
\nShe waved a hand in front of my face.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhat did he want?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI pushed past her and locked the door. I\u2019m not sure why since the danger was already inside.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou have to go,\u201d I said.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI have to what?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cLeave.\u201d I opened the hall closet and grabbed her suitcase, carrying it to the bedroom. \u201cPack some stuff and leave. Go far away.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhy? Where are we going?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI\u2019m not. You are.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cBeth, you\u2019re freaking me out. What happened yesterday after you left?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI put the suitcase on top of the bed. I could feel the anger surging beneath my consciousness, wanting to break free. I swallowed it down.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cDan reprogrammed me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cBecause I broke up with him? How much lack of self-worth does someone need to\u2014\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cLiv!\u201d I said, and she stopped. I looked at her, and she knew. I\u2019d looked at her like that before. When things were wrong. When I was struggling. There were only a few things I struggled over, and they were eerily similar to the things Liv worried about: our place in the world, our feelings of inferiority, our lack of humanity.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d she said.\n<\/p>\n
\nI dropped my head in my hands. I couldn\u2019t look at her. \u201cHe made me hate you.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe sat down. \u201cHow?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHe just typed it in like he does everything else.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cBut you\u2019re not acting like you hate me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cBecause I don\u2019t.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhat?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI fell back against the bed. \u201cI don\u2019t, but something does. Something that\u2019s not really me.\u201d I shook my head. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter. He reprogrammed me to hate you and he wants me to kill you.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe was quiet, staring at her feet. I watched her shoulders shift while she considered, waiting for her to leap up and see how serious this was. I wanted her to be afraid. I wanted her to run.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cOkay,\u201d she said finally. \u201cWhat do we do?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI sat up. \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHow do we program you back?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cThat\u2019s not\u2014what are you talking about? You have to get away from me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe stood and started to pace. \u201cNo, that\u2019s not the answer. We have to turn you back. If he can change you that easily, then we can change you back. It can\u2019t be that difficult.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cBut we don\u2019t have time!\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe held up a hand. \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHe gave me two hours.\u201d I picked up her phone from the bedside table. \u201cWe have a little more than one left.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cThat\u2019s plenty of time.\u201d She pulled on her tennis shoes and grabbed her keys. \u201cCome on, we have to go to his place.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cBut he\u2019ll be there!\u201d I said, following her to the door.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cNo, he\u2019ll be at the lab. He\u2019s never home. Works too much.\u201d She locked the door behind me and nearly fell down the stairs in her race for the car. She was excited, she thought we were going on an adventure, and it scared me. She didn\u2019t get it. I sprinted to block her path.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cLiv! This is wasting time! Please, just go! I\u2019ll try and figure it out, I promise, but you can\u2019t stay.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe grabbed my wrist and squeezed. \u201cIt\u2019s going to be fine,\u201d she said. \u201cIt\u2019s all going to be fine.\u201d She pushed past me and got in the car. I kicked the curb and circled around to get in.\n<\/p>\n
\n
\n\u201cHis car\u2019s not here,\u201d Liv said. We watched Dan\u2019s penthouse apartment from across the street. \u201cAnd the lights aren\u2019t on.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHe could be asleep,\u201d I said.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cNo way. He\u2019s gone.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI didn\u2019t say anything. We waited a few more minutes until Liv was too restless, and then we crept across the street and slid through a gap in the front gate.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHow do we get in?\u201d I pulled at the front doors. \u201cI could break it?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nLiv shifted through her key chain.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cDon\u2019t destroy any property. I still have his key,\u201d she said, holding up an electric fob.\n<\/p>\n
\nWe smiled at the night manager, who waved a friendly hand at Liv. The elevator was sleek chrome and rose toward the top of the building slowly, as if it wanted to build our anticipation.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cOkay, we\u2019ll get in, grab his laptop, and leave. We don\u2019t have to do it there. We\u2019ve got, what, forty minutes left?\u201d Liv said. She had pulled her pepper spray out of her bag. It would\u2019ve been funny in any other situation.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhat do we do then?\u201d I said.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHow do we change me back?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe spun on me. \u201cYou don\u2019t know how?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhy would I?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cBecause you\u2019re a robot! You should know how to program yourself!\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI threw my hands in the air. \u201cDo you know how to perform brain surgery? Why would I know how to do that?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nHer eyes were wide and she started to speak, but a bell rang and the doors slid open. We stepped into an empty hall.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cOkay,\u201d she whispered. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter. We\u2019ll figure that out. Right now, we just need his laptop.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cThis is not going to work.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHey.\u201d She grabbed my arm. There was determination in her eyes, like always, but there was something else too, something that flickered like the rage inside me. Something she was trying to hold back. \u201cIt will be fine. We will be fine.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWe should prepare if it\u2019s not though, Liv,\u201d I said, but she held up a hand to stop me.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cNo. We\u2019re going to fix this. I can\u2019t just run away from you, okay? I can\u2019t. Will you stop being so negative and just help me?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nThe something in her was welling over, ready to spill across the floor. I grabbed her and squeezed, nearly lifting her off the ground. I couldn\u2019t cry, I didn\u2019t have the water supply, but Liv had described to me the painful choking that came with it, and I felt that throughout my whole body.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cOkay,\u201d I said, stepping back. \u201cJust promise that if we\u2019re out of time, you\u2019ll run.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cFine.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI held out my pinky. \u201cPromise?\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe sighed, but hooked her finger around mine. \u201cI promise, all right? Let\u2019s go.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe unlocked the door, and we pushed it open together. The apartment was dark, and Liv crept to the bedroom and peered in first before flipping on the lights.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI told you. He\u2019s gone,\u201d she said.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cLet\u2019s get this over with.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe pointed at his desk in the corner. We tore through its drawers, upended every piece of paper, tore every complex diagram, but there was no laptop. Liv was the one who thought to pull out the keyboard shelf. The laptop was there, beneath a gun.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhat the hell?\u201d Liv said, lifting the computer and holding the weapon between her fingertips. \u201cI\u2019ve never seen this before.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nIt was the same gun from my reprogrammed thoughts, the one I\u2019d held while I stood over Liv\u2019s body. I pushed her hand away and she lost her grip. It skittered across the floor.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHe knew we\u2019d come,\u201d I said. \u201cHe planned it.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nLiv looked at her phone. \u201cWe have twenty minutes left.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou\u2019ve got to go.\u201d I went to the door, but she grabbed my shoulders.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWait. Look at me, Beth. You can fight this.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nHer eyes were wide and desperate. I tried to shrug her hands away, but she held me like a vise, squeezing her death closer.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cLiv\u2014”\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cNo!\u201d she said. \u201cListen to me! You\u2019re more than that! More than the code he put into your head! You\u2019re my friend. You\u2019re my best friend. You can beat it.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe was crying again. The first time I\u2019d seen her cry was a month after I\u2019d met her, when we went to the hospital. The chance at a liver for her mother had fallen through. Liv had crumpled against the wall of the hospital, crying on the phone with Dan, screaming at him for not being there. She\u2019d thrown the phone and looked at me and screamed at me for not doing anything. I didn\u2019t know what to do. I had no idea what she was doing. I knew what sadness was, I had the feeling wired somewhere, but that day had been different. It wasn\u2019t sadness. It was misery and grief and anger and hopelessness, things that no one had told me belonged together. I\u2019d made a note and sat down beside her and told her that I was sorry for not being human enough.\n<\/p>\n
\nBut this wasn\u2019t that kind of sadness. It felt like sandpaper bristling against your arm, lifting your hairs and burning but not quite scratching, and it sounded like a car crashing somewhere far away. I wondered what it tasted like. What it smelled like.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cIt\u2019s done,\u201d I said, and I took her wrists and put her arms back to her sides. \u201cIt\u2019s in my main code. It\u2019s a part of me.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cBut you can beat it!\u201d she screamed. \u201cYou\u2019re just not trying hard enough!\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou don\u2019t get it!\u201d I pulled away when she reached for me. \u201cI\u2019m programmed to kill you! I want to kill you! I can\u2019t change what I am!\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cNo!\u201d she said. \u201cYou don\u2019t get to use that as an excuse. I\u2019m programmed too. Someone programmed me, or something. God or Allah or Buddha or Thor or whoever! It doesn\u2019t matter! Someone programmed me to hate green and to like jet skis and painting and numbers, and someone somewhere programmed me to pick you. And I let them. I wanted to. But I didn\u2019t have to, and you don\u2019t have to do this.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nHer tears fell on my arms like the rain, but they were warm drops. I wished I could feel their wetness. I wished I could cry too. The choking feeling was back. I hugged her, and she cried, and I choked.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cMaybe,\u201d I said. \u201cBut there\u2019s no time to figure it out.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cBut\u2014\u201c\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI\u2019ll try,\u201d I said. \u201cEvery day I\u2019ll try. I promise.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cMe too,\u201d she said and she stepped back, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve. \u201cI\u2019ll fix the code. I\u2019ll change it, or I\u2019ll find someone who can. And then we can figure out how to do whatever needs to be done.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHow to make me human?\u201d I said.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou\u2019re already human.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nI laughed and the choking was more painful, and something shifted inside me. Something huge and red and angry. I shoved Liv toward the door.\n<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou have to go,\u201d I said. \u201cNow.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe clutched the laptop to her chest. \u201cI love you, Beth.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nThe red monster roared in my chest. \u201cI love you, too.\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\nShe ran, the door slamming shut behind her. I wanted to cry, I wanted so desperately to be able to make tears, and I thought about this to distract myself from the gun on the floor.\n<\/p>\n
\n
\nI sat outside the hotel in Montreal, flicking through the account numbers on a tablet. She\u2019d made a withdrawal two weeks ago. That could last her awhile if she was careful. And she was careful. She\u2019d been running a year, and this was the closest I\u2019d gotten in a long time.\n<\/p>\n
\nI\u2019d found her through the withdrawal. She\u2019d changed her name like she did every month, but I\u2019d recognized it instantly. Gemma Bradshaw. It was from our favorite book.\n<\/p>\n
\nI forced myself to wait while she walked toward her car. She had the laptop case clutched to her chest. Her hair was darker and shorter, and she looked thinner, and she was alone. She\u2019d met with a professor from McGuill University, who was supposed to be a robotics expert. I\u2019d gotten into their emails through the university\u2019s server. It had taken twice as long because I\u2019d kept deleting them, a useless attempt to stop myself. I\u2019d hoped she\u2019d be gone by now, but she was running late. She looked over her shoulder as she unlocked the car.\n<\/p>\n
\nThere wasn\u2019t any time left. The red within me blossomed, blurring my vision, painting her as something monstrous. I unbuckled my seat belt, reached for the gun in the glove department, and prayed that she was faster.\n<\/p>\n
Amelia Dee Mueller is a resident of Dallas and is constantly disappointed that the Old West isn\u2019t as present as you\u2019d think. Her work can be found in a variety of places including Metaphorosis, Flame Tree Press\u2019 Gothic Fantasy Anthology Series: Detective Stories, and Cossmass Infinities. When not writing or reading fantasies or weird westerns, she enjoys losing trivia nights at breweries and streaming superhero movies with her cats. Y\u2019all can follow her on Twitter: @AmeliaDMueller.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was built as a birthday present for my best friend. But we didn\u2019t start out that way. She was just the girl my programmer was dating, and he was trying to keep an eye on her. He built me and put her into me\u2014her likes and dislikes, her favorite colors and foods, the TV …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107713,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,12,20090],"tags":[20091],"class_list":["post-138812","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction","category-science-fiction","category-tcl-40-summer-2021","tag-the-colored-lens-40-summer-2021","entry entry-center"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138812","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/107713"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=138812"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138812\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":138813,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138812\/revisions\/138813"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=138812"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=138812"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=138812"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}