The clever ones will know I\u2019ve been reading shadows–folding them, discarding them like bruised fruit from a basket, meddling with magic that had never been touched before. They\u2019ll inevitably discover my spellweaving. And of course they\u2019ll wonder what I made, then they\u2019ll dig to find out why.<\/p>\n
I was Yuroma, after all, Archmage of the Amber Empire. I was arguably the sharpest, quickest mage alive, the most likely to survive plunging my hands into the dark. And despite the risks, I had more to gain than most would. It will puzzle them to no end when I\u2019m no longer here to open my secrets like clam shells.<\/p>\n
But my secrets stay shut.<\/p>\n
His Imperial Excellency Dar\u00e1thnivol, Emperor-to-be, was taken aback when he met his Archmage. Yuroma was young to fill the position, despite having served under the last two short-lived Emperors. She dressed half like a fisherman\u2019s wife, with only the traditional earring to mark her as part of the Amber Order. Dar\u00e1thnivol had envisioned a harder, bolder-looking woman. Yet Yuroma was to be his adviser, his right hand. He didn\u2019t have much say in the matter.<\/p>\n
Dar\u00e1thnivol waved for his counselors to withdraw, leaving only two stationed guards, himself and the Archmage in the throne chamber. It was a cold room, with black floors that shone under the glimmer of amber lanterns, black walls that blocked the sun, and a black ceiling that fell too low like a tall man\u2019s cloak on his son. It all felt lonely beneath the blazing blue of the Imperial crown. Only one day in the Palace, and already lonely.<\/p>\n
\u201cTell me something of yourself, Yuroma,\u201d Dar\u00e1thnivol said, reclining to look more at ease than he felt.<\/p>\n
She raised a single eyebrow. \u201cDo you intend to keep your watchdogs at the door?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re only guards. Do those without magic bother you so much that you can\u2019t introduce yourself in their presence?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot at all. But you and I can dispense with all the pleasantries.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now she was beginning to annoy him. \u201cI\u2019ll decide when to talk pleasantries and when not to. Now tell me something–\u201d<\/p>\n
Before Dar\u00e1thnivol could finish, the carved metal fire of his crown flared up, suddenly alive with heat. He shouted and hurled the circlet away, whipping his hands back lest he burn himself. It was her. Her hand had moved in the motion of an invocation. She\u2019d tried to burn him<\/em>, the Amber Emperor in waiting.<\/p>\n \u201cIs this how you dealt with my cousin before me?\u201d Dar\u00e1thnivol snarled, standing up. \u201cGuards!\u201d<\/p>\n The guards stayed motionless at the back of the room.<\/p>\n \u201cGuards!\u201d he shouted now. \u201cGet this wretched vixen out of my sight!\u201d<\/p>\n Still motionless, curse them to the bottom of the ocean.<\/p>\n \u201cThey can\u2019t hear you,\u201d Yuroma said. \u201cOr see you, really. I prefer to have this particular talk in private.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow dare<\/em> you? I am your future leader!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd I\u2019m your Archmage,\u201d Yuroma replied. \u201cYou might not want to cross me on your first day here–seeing as how I\u2019ve conveniently outlived one or two Emperors before you.\u201d<\/p>\n Dar\u00e1thnivol found his pulse speeding up, racing even, and his hands suddenly slick with sweat. Her threat felt too heavy to ignore, too quick, too forward, too real. He staggered back and tripped over the foot of his own throne as he tried to put some distance between himself and this mad, dangerous woman.<\/p>\n \u201cI have no intention of hurting you, boy,\u201d Yuroma said. \u201cIf I did, it would have happened long before you got to the Palace. Do you believe me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGuards!\u201d Dar\u00e1thnivol shouted again. \u201cSomeone! To the throne room!\u201d Why did they ignore him?<\/p>\n \u201cSave your breath. No one will hear so much as an echo while my spell holds.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat the blazes do you want?\u201d<\/p>\n Yuroma advanced another step, causing Dar\u00e1thnivol to flinch. \u201cI want you to be a little kinder to your subjects than the last few Emperors have been, little Rath. Your family has bled these islands dry. They\u2019ve squandered hard-earned funds, abused their servants, raped where they liked, killed where they weren\u2019t liked, and generally done more to shield their own backs than to guard the Amber Empire.\u201d She stepped near one of Dar\u00e1thnivol\u2019s newly oiled hands, sending him skittering backward to the throne. \u201cAll these patterns will die with you, Emperor-to-be.\u201d<\/p>\n There were tears in Dar\u00e1thnivol\u2019s eyes now. His hands shook as he tried to push himself farther from the narrow-eyed Archmage. His mouth hung open, formless whimpers issuing out. Why the dancing devil had he sent everyone else away?<\/p>\n \u201cYou will be the most beloved Emperor in recorded history,\u201d Yuroma added. Then she snatched her hands apart, summoning a twisting vortex of magic as blue and deep as the ocean. \u201cOr you can be like your cousin was and die like he died. Are we clear, Your Imperial Excellency?\u201d<\/p>\n Dar\u00e1thnivol\u2019s mouth hardened, even as fresh tears formed under his eyes. \u201cYou can\u2019t command me, whether you\u2019re Archmage or Archangel!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo as I advise or you might become an angel yourself, Rath. Or more likely a groveling pitspawn of the devil you and your royal family like to impersonate.\u201d<\/p>\n With that, she twisted her hands once more, dissolving her vortex and magicking the crown back onto Dar\u00e1thnivol\u2019s head. Then she walked from the room as if they\u2019d just talked about dinner.<\/p>\n Dar\u00e1thnivol stared after her until his breathing calmed and he could find his feet. Even then his guards seemed not to notice that anything had been amiss. My demise will puzzle them most, I suppose. No doubt they\u2019ll believe it\u2019s indicative of a plot, some scandal hidden behind Imperial robes and policies. Most members of the Amber Order die by treachery, often for betraying someone else in the first place. The rest tend to die fighting wars for the Empire, which is more or less the same thing. Why should I be different? I\u2019ve been Archmage long enough to lie, to murder, to exert my Imperial sway a thousand times over. They\u2019ll all suspect I brought it on myself now, at the gray twilight of my life.<\/p>\n I suppose they\u2019ll be right.<\/p>\n Gull found the Archmage in her usual, solitary place. It was a tiny outcrop of rock just off the Imperial Palace\u2019s outer wall. He\u2019d limped out there praying that he wouldn\u2019t fall between the cliffs and hoping Yuroma was there so as not to waste his treacherous climb. Sure enough she sat beneath the single linden tree growing there, which offered a shaded outlook over the cliffs and the endless ocean in the east. It was a peaceful little space.<\/p>\n \u201cWorking more secret spells?\u201d Gull asked as he arrived.<\/p>\n Yuroma jerked toward him, a furious look in her eyes. Fifty years old she was, but she still had a fire that belied any age. She coughed furiously into her shoulder, then said, \u201cHow\u2019d you find me, Gull?\u201d Her voice was hoarse. Perhaps she\u2019d been sick again.<\/p>\n \u201cFollowed you, as it were,\u201d Gull said.<\/p>\n Yuroma swore and kicked a loose stone toward the water nearly a hundred paces below. \u201cI\u2019ve told you not to come out this way! You should do as you\u2019re told if you want to keep your position.\u201d<\/p>\n Gull just smiled. She wouldn\u2019t remove him. They\u2019d known each other too long, now. Ever since she came there as a lonely young woman. Ever since he’d<\/em> been young, it seemed.<\/p>\n \u201cI only came because you\u2019re wanted by the rest of the Order. They\u2019ve been searching high and low for you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t have time for those fools.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAye, but you have time for whatever secret magic you\u2019re making out here,\u201d Gull said, savoring the surprised set of her jaw. \u201cDon\u2019t be snappish. I\u2019ve known you long enough to read an expression or two, Yuroma.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTo whom have you spoken of this?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo one.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSwear it, old man.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI swear it on my one good leg.\u201d<\/p>\n Yuroma let out a long breath, then coughed and hacked into her sleeve again. Always so uptight, even when she was young. \u201cNo one can know of this,\u201d she said with a black look when she mastered her cough. \u201cNo one. Do you hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n Still smiling, Gull procured a fresh pear he\u2019d brought for her. \u201cAn offering of peace, for your sick throat. And you can trust old Gull. No one will ever find out.\u201d<\/p>\n I\u2019ve toiled night and day, month by month, summer and winter. It must be seven years now that I\u2019ve been crafting, weaving, patterning, shaping, testing, though few of my spells have taken, let alone been replicable. Of course so many failures have made me wonder whether there\u2019s some other means open to me. Too late now to try. My hands have dipped too deep to wipe them clean again.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve tried to keep it secret, but there will still be traces somewhere, because magic always leaves a smudge, a shadow. Especially when it is<\/em> shadow.<\/p>\n It was a tiny house, not much more than a hut, at the edge of the fishing quarter. Lin Hador had never come to that part of the city before. By His Imperial Excellency\u2019s grace, he hoped he never would again either, disgusting, rancid rathole that it was.<\/p>\n The door stood open, and a breeze flowed through to a tiny herb garden in the back. Yuroma sat inside. She looked up with a glint in her eyes, setting a wooden cup aside as Hador showed himself in.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t know you still had a house,\u201d he said, dropping into a seat across her table. \u201cIf house it can be called, Yuroma. You really should build something better for yourself now that you\u2019ve been Archmage for thirty years. Maybe your moldy hovel is why you\u2019ve been coughing so much.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d she growled. \u201cAnd I\u2019m not going to ask how you found me here. I\u2019ve noticed you snooping around behind me these last few months.\u201d<\/p>\n A bead of sweat formed on his forehead. He hadn\u2019t counted on her detecting that. Hoping she hadn\u2019t noticed his discomfort as well, Hador held his hands apart and shot her his best smile. \u201cI suppose my sneaking skills need work, eh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t try to worm around me. Why are you here?\u201d<\/p>\n His hands were sweaty now. But he had her cornered, or as good as. He had but to pounce and he\u2019d be rid of the vicious woman once and for all. \u201cWhile I\u2019ve skulked around in your shadow,\u201d he said slowly, \u201cI\u2019ve noticed a few of your habits.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd now you want to court me, is that it? Get your greasy face out of here, Hador.\u201d<\/p>\n He held his ground, though only through trained force of will. \u201cI know you\u2019ve been making something.\u201d<\/p>\n That stopped her. The arrogant set of her face seemed to flicker. She frowned over the table, scooting her chair back as if he had an offensive smell. Yes, he had her now, at long last.<\/p>\n \u201cAs an Imperial Mage in the Amber Order, I may be beneath you, but it is my solemn duty to prevent catastrophe,\u201d Hador said, lowering his voice now that he had her ear. \u201cOf course I\u2019ve come to you first, before assuming anything. Perhaps I\u2019m mistaken, see. But if you can\u2019t explain this adequately I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll have to discuss it with His Excellency. Last I heard, Emperor Dar\u00e1thnivol wasn\u2019t fond of those who toy with powers best left alone.\u201d<\/p>\n Like a striking cobra, Yuroma swatted her wooden cup off the table, splashing water across the room as the cup flew into the wall. \u201cPowers best left alone, you say? You ought to consider leaving me<\/em> alone, if you know what\u2019s good for you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI care first for the Amber Empire, and then for myself. What have you been making, Yuroma? Something to protect yourself, heal your mystery illness? Something to cover your tracks? Or maybe a new weapon to remove those of us who don\u2019t like the way you play? I\u2019ve seen the shadows dance behind you when you think no one\u2019s looking. I know you like to leer at the dark.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m warning you,\u201d she said through gritted teeth.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not your student anymore. Give me one good reason to stay silent or I\u2019ll go straight to Dar\u00e1thnivol.\u201d<\/p>\n She stood. \u201cHe won\u2019t believe a word from your mouth, maggot that you are.\u201d<\/p>\n In an eruption of anger, Hador raised both hands, twisting them sharply into a disruption pattern. His spell blasted her table apart. Fragments of wood and clouds of dust swept across the room. Yuroma somehow dodged the spell and rolled to the garden door, conjuring a wavering green nimbus around herself as she prepared to retaliate. Before she could strike, though, Hador twisted his hands again to release a throwing knife. Archmage or no, she wouldn\u2019t be prepared for that.<\/p>\n The knife pierced her shoulder near the joint and she cried out in pain. Her voice caught in a hideous cough as the still-settling dust absorbed her.<\/p>\n Then something silver cut through the dust, like a twisted web of liquid metal. Icy pain shot across Hador\u2019s scalp, his ribcage, his left hand. He whipped himself backward to discover a series of thin, near-invisible cuts where Yuroma\u2019s counterspell had hit him. He barely had time to look up before she struck again. A poof of air was all he heard before the dust exploded outward, the back wall shuddered, his tiny cuts burst open and his arms locked into place at the sides of his head, suspending any spell he could work. The impact of the attack knocked him into what was left of his chair, where he collapsed with a bone-rattling thud. He tasted blood from his own tongue and a widening cut above his ear.<\/p>\n Yuroma was only slightly out of breath. She kicked aside a leg of her table and walked slowly up to Hador, eyes narrowed. By the devil\u2019s own face she was a chilling sight, red streams across her arm where the knife wound bled, dust and smoke concealing all her face but her half-bared teeth.<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps you forget, Lin Hador,\u201d she said, stopping only inches from his face, \u201cthat I\u2019ve killed my share of Emperors before. And my share of Archmages, for that matter. I have enough blood on my hands that I wouldn\u2019t feel any filthier to crush a worthless pisspigeon like you.\u201d<\/p>\n He quivered in pain and fear, trying to wrench his hands free, but her binding spell still held him in place. It was impossibly sound, hard as the face of a cliff. Gods above, how was she still so strong?<\/p>\n \u201cBut I\u2019m not like you,\u201d Yuroma went on in a whisper. \u201cThe people I\u2019ve killed? They<\/em> were like you. So tell Dar\u00e1thnivol that I\u2019m hiding an illness, that I\u2019m spell-building in secret, making some weapon to overturn the Empire–tell him whatever you want. Say you accosted me, and that I almost killed you for it. Go tell the whole Amber Order that I\u2019m uncontrollably mad.\u201d She raised her hand to his face planting two fingers on his frozen chin. \u201cI dare you, Lin Hador.\u201d<\/p>\n Her spell vanished as quickly as it had hit him. He tumbled back again, banging both his elbows and his face. He tasted bile welling up with his blood, fought to find his feet before Yuroma could strike him in the back. She just stood there, though, staring like the vulture she was.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll never get away with this,\u201d Hador spat.<\/p>\n \u201cProve that to me. You have no idea what I\u2019m making.\u201d Then Yuroma spun her hands once more, hurling him out the open door.<\/p>\n He collapsed in the dirty center of the street, startled to see a dozen fisherman, sailhands and ropemakers standing nearby and regarding Yuroma\u2019s tiny house with awe and terror. Had they all seen what\u2019d happened? Had they all heard their conversation?<\/p>\n Hador didn\u2019t wait to find out. As soon as he regained his feet, he ran back to the city he knew, toward the Palace. Away from Yuroma.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve known for years now that this spell-weaving was irreparably harming me. I probably knew before I started. The strain on my body is commonplace enough to conceal, and even the usual scars magic leaves are hard to detect in this case, since my work is not a spell so much as a failure to be one. Still, I\u2019ve always felt it draining my life force away.<\/p>\n It\u2019s a terrible price to pay. But then again, I probably deserve that price.<\/p>\n In the first few years of her widowhood, Pal\u00e9n tried to keep to herself. They\u2019d saved enough for her to live meagerly, if not comfortably, and she stretched it further by selling Rijo\u2019s big house and returning to her old home on the stony coast. The fishing village where she\u2019d grown up hadn\u2019t changed much since then–still battered by salt and cold winds, saving trees for boats, burning dung and peat for fuel in the low-roofed huts in which most everyone lived. City money was still money, though, and folk remembered Pal\u00e9n well enough, welcoming her as if she\u2019d never left to marry rich, inland Rijo.<\/p>\n Pal\u00e9n was nearly sixty now, and beginning to tire, but returning home eased her husband\u2019s loss and gave her a sort of purpose again. Now she mended sails, cleaned fish, pressed for gravelfin oil, taught children to figure and haggle like inlanders. It was a simple life. Not an empty one, though.<\/p>\n She\u2019d been back for three years when Yuroma returned too.<\/p>\n It almost made Pal\u00e9n\u2019s heart stop to see her there, standing in the hut\u2019s doorway dressed in lavishly fine robes. A single amber earring, dangling almost to her right shoulder, marked her as part of the Amber Order. Gods above, but Palen\u2019s little sister had really become an Imperial Mage.<\/p>\n Yuroma stooped to step into the hut, though she was no taller than when she\u2019d left as a child. \u201cThey told me that you\u2019d come back here,\u201d she said, not meeting Pal\u00e9n\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n Pal\u00e9n felt herself shift in her chair, where she was halfway through knitting a headscarf. Her mouth opened without any sound. She wondered for a moment if she could be dreaming. But no. The coastal wind cut in through the doorway, biting her skin. Dust stirred where Yuroma stepped. It was no dream. Yuroma was there in the flesh.<\/p>\n \u201cAren\u2019t you going to greet me?\u201d Yuroma asked. She sat opposite Pal\u00e9n without waiting to be invited. \u201cForty years apart and you look at me like I\u2019m a dried eel.\u201d<\/p>\n Again Pal\u00e9n opened her mouth soundlessly. Her throat didn\u2019t seem to work. How could Yuroma do this to her, after all this time?<\/p>\n \u201cI heard about Rijo,\u201d Yuroma added, now lowering her eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cIs that why you came back? To rub dirt in my face now that I\u2019m a poor widow and you\u2019re…whatever you are now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cImperial Archmage, Pal\u00e9n.\u201d<\/p>\n Archmage? That was almost too much to believe. Pal\u00e9n stiffened, resumed her knitting with a furious intensity. \u201cSo you\u2019re in the Emperor\u2019s high-taxed employ but you could never spare a few days to come see me? Not in all these four decades?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey say Rijo was wealthy when he died. You could have visited me, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t even know where you were.\u201d Pal\u00e9n kept her eyes on her needles, the things she still knew and understood. She\u2019d never felt so uneasy in her sister\u2019s presence, not even when Yuroma announced that she was leaving. It was almost wrong to see her again–though she\u2019d always wanted to. She\u2019d yearned to be reunited.<\/p>\n They sat without speaking for a long moment, only the wind and the clack of Pal\u00e9n\u2019s bone needles breaking the silence. Then Yuroma said, \u201cI did mean to come sooner.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy? Because you still hoped to steal Rijo from me? Or to laugh at me when neither of us could have him anymore?\u201d<\/p>\n Yuroma flinched. \u201cI didn\u2019t even know about his death until I arrived.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo you stayed away because it hurt too much to see the two of us together?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t leave just because I was jealous of you!\u201d Yuroma said, eyes narrowing just as they had when she lost her temper as a child.<\/p>\n \u201cYou can\u2019t pretend you didn\u2019t love him,\u201d Pal\u00e9n said. She pushed her needles away, meeting her little sister\u2019s angry glare. \u201cI know you! You might have changed after all this time, but I knew you then and I can read you just as well now as ever before.\u201d<\/p>\n Rijo had chosen her<\/em>, Pal\u00e9n. Not Yuroma. Of course Yuroma had to leave.<\/p>\n Yuroma\u2019s eyes rounded, the anger abating like an outgoing tide. She coughed hard into her shoulder for a moment, then said, \u201cYou really thought that was why I ran away?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEven an Imperial Mage–even the Archmage, if that\u2019s really what you are now–can\u2019t lie to me,\u201d Pal\u00e9n said. She stood abruptly, blood rushing to her head and making her so dizzy she almost fell into the cold firepit. But she managed to reach the doorway, where she didn\u2019t have to meet her sister\u2019s hurt, anguished look.<\/p>\n Something scuffed the ground behind her. Then she felt Yuroma\u2019s hand on her shoulder.<\/p>\n \u201cI left because I loved you<\/em>, Pal\u00e9n. Yes, I loved Rijo too. Yes, I was jealous when he chose you. But I didn\u2019t just lose him when he asked you to marry him–I lost you<\/em>. And you were all I had.\u201d<\/p>\n The hand fell away. Just like Yuroma had, barely sixteen years old, fatherless, motherless, only Pal\u00e9n to guide her through the fragile world they knew. A lump swelled up in Pal\u00e9n\u2019s throat. She locked her eyes on the gray sky outside, afraid to look and see her sister\u2019s face now. They\u2019d both been hurt too much. She couldn\u2019t stand to remember it all again.<\/p>\n \u201cI knew I\u2019d learn to love someone else,\u201d Yuroma said. \u201cEven then, as a fool child, I knew that much. But you? There are no sisters in the Imperial Palace. Everyone has to claw out their own space there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201c…so you really did find your way to the Palace,\u201d was all Pal\u00e9n could think to say.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat else could I do? There was nothing here for me. Pal\u00e9n, I\u2019ve done terrible things to leave our old life behind–things I can never undo–and greater things than you might think, too. I\u2019ve killed hundreds, maybe thousands, and I\u2019ve protected even more people than I\u2019ve hurt. I\u2019ve molded Dar\u00e1thnivol into the finest Amber Emperor in generations, perhaps that there ever was. But I\u2019ve almost killed myself trying to find a way back. Trying to get back what I was before.\u201d<\/p>\n Pal\u00e9n wasn\u2019t sure what to say, even what to believe. After a moment she sniffed, finding her eyes raw, stinging and full of confused tears. She hadn\u2019t hurt so much since they first came to this very hut forty-five years before, orphaned, with no one but themselves to tend to each other\u2019s needs–only the other\u2019s voice to comfort or reassure the other when they went hungry, or took ill, or ached too much from their loss even to sleep the night through.<\/p>\n She wiped her face with the back of her hand. \u201cWhat\u2019s this about you almost killing yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWorking magic,\u201d Yuroma said simply. \u201cI\u2019ve been trying for years to craft some spell to set us right, you and me. I\u2019ve tried reading the shadows to bring back the days before Rijo came and I left.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou want to change our past.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201c…what, then?\u201d<\/p>\n Yuroma\u2019s hand returned to her shoulder, turned her around finally to meet her eyes. \u201cI want that past back. Not to change. Just to have it again.\u201d<\/p>\n For perhaps the tenth time in a quarter hour, she\u2019d caught Pal\u00e9n completely by surprise. Somehow, she\u2019d never guessed. She\u2019d never really understood her own sister. It was so late to be seeing Yuroma clearly again, but the clarity made Pal\u00e9n\u2019s pain recede like poison siphoned from a cut.<\/p>\n She reached up and gripped Yuroma\u2019s hand. Then she pulled her sister toward her, slowly wrapping her arms around her shoulders as she\u2019d wished she could ten thousand times in their years apart. Yuroma rested her head on Pal\u00e9n\u2019s shoulder, and her face was wet with tears too. It felt, for a moment, almost like those lonely nights fifty years ago, when a sister was enough because it was all they had.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve missed you, Yuroma,\u201d Pal\u00e9n said into her sister\u2019s hair.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m finally here,\u201d Yuroma whispered.<\/p>\n It will hurt Dar\u00e1thnivol. He\u2019s grown to trust me so. He won\u2019t understand. But better to keep my secrets, keep them safe from anyone who could use Pal\u00e9n against me, or use me against her. After all, it took me forty years to make things right with her, including nearly ten years of spellweaving, struggling to summon back the past we\u2019d lost.<\/p>\n I won\u2019t blame them for mistrusting me when I\u2019m gone. Deception pays its price. If they watch my shadow, follow my tracks and look where I\u2019ve stepped, they\u2019ll know I kept my own secrets.<\/p>\n Would to God above they never find out why.<\/p>\n \u201cWe face a scandal of unmeasured proportion,\u201d Lin Hador announced when Imperial Archmage Yuroma was found dead. \u201cAlthough the evidence has yet to be examined fully, it is clear that some sort of magical means ended Yuroma\u2019s life. Whether it was murder, accidental or even self-inflicted remains to be seen.\u201d<\/p>\n Dar\u00e1thnivol sighed to himself as he listened to the scar-faced interim-Archmage\u2019s announcement. He\u2019d known Yuroma wasn\u2019t herself these past few years. Always tired. So reluctant to work any magic at all. He\u2019d supposed it was her age catching up, like his was too. Not some secret machination. He\u2019d thought she was different.<\/p>\n \u201cIt is also clear that Yuroma was actively involved in building some sort of magical weapon,\u201d Hador went on, addressing a large gathering of mages, servants, nobles and low-borns gathered in the Palace\u2019s central courtyard. \u201cIt appears that she used a shadowy branch of wizardry to convey messages of events and insights to which she was privy, and was plotting with outside mages to overthrow the Amber Order, perhaps even to bring down our beloved ruler, His Imperial Excellency Dar\u00e1thnivol.\u201d<\/p>\n It couldn\u2019t be true. Dar\u00e1thnivol hated even to hear it suggested. Yuroma had been his one true friend, the voice of reason and sincerity when all others pandered and begged and oiled the ground beneath his feet–glistening and smiling, but lethally slick.<\/p>\n \u201cWe have traced her movements and uncovered a secret visit to an island village at the Empire\u2019s northern edge,\u201d Hador was saying now. \u201cWe believe she met enemy mages or informants there, and we have already dispatched a group of expert investigators to bring the truth of this sordid plot to light. In the meantime I am willing, albeit humble and reticent, to fill Yuroma\u2019s position as interim-Archmage. May the Amber Empire ever be as strong as the stone roots of our islands!\u201d<\/p>\n The gathered crowd cheered. Dar\u00e1thnivol supposed he couldn\u2019t stop them now, but he hated to hear his one genuine friend discussed this way. It burned even to entertain a doubt in her loyalty, though the evidence of her secret journey was more or less irrefutable. Why hadn\u2019t she just told him if she wanted some change, though? He\u2019d have listened. There was no one he\u2019d rather hear out than Yuroma.<\/p>\n As Dar\u00e1thnivol and his immediate retinue returned indoors, Hador stepped up behind him. \u201cI\u2019ve sent Laveld to lead the investigation, Your Excellency.\u201d<\/p>\n Dar\u00e1thnivol grunted. \u201cVery good, I suppose.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs Your Excellency displeased?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot at all, you obsequious magpie!\u201d<\/p>\n Hador and those around him stepped involuntarily back. Dar\u00e1thnivol supposed it wasn\u2019t like him to lash out, not even at hungry sharks like his interim-Archmage.<\/p>\n \u201cI only intend to serve Your Imperial Excellency,\u201d Hador said, bowing deliberately low.<\/p>\n \u201cYuroma served me, Hador. Report when you\u2019ve found the truth of her unexplained trip. I know that Archmages don\u2019t just up and die, but until you have more evidence I refuse to believe ill of her.\u201d<\/p>\n Leaving a flabbergasted Hador behind him, Dar\u00e1thnivol swept into his chambers and had his guards bar the door shut.<\/p>\n After seeing my sister, I knew I didn\u2019t have much time left to live. I\u2019d been failing ever since I started my search, ever since I began reaching back for the life I\u2019d abandoned. I never mentioned it to anyone else, though. Just to Pal\u00e9n in those short few days we had together.<\/p>\n Of course I tried to get her to return with me, to stay with me. And of course she wanted us to remain in the north where we\u2019d lived as children. I was ready to stay, even happy to. I only needed to settle a few affairs for my Emperor before I left his service for good–tell him the truth of why I was leaving him to the wolves.<\/p>\n By the time I sailed back to the Imperial City, though, I knew I\u2019d never survive another voyage home. I\u2019d read too many shadows when I should have been looking at myself, looking at what I already knew. It had sapped me dry like a flagpole in the desert wind. All I could do now was send word with the quiet fisherman who\u2019d ferried me north: Ever yours, Laveld spent two months investigating tiny fishing villages, trapping outposts, water holes between islands, pirate holds, anywhere he could think to search in the rocky desolation of the north. Almost no one knew half a stitch about whatever trips Yuroma might have made. One man claimed to have seen her visiting the grave of a wealthy merchant named Rijo. Perhaps someone she\u2019d killed and felt guilty over. Laveld wouldn\u2019t be surprised, given all he knew of the wild, fierce Archmage.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd that is all you have to report?\u201d Emperor Dar\u00e1thnivol asked when Laveld knelt in the Imperial Throne Room, salt-crusted, sweaty and defeated by the search.<\/p>\n \u201cI regret to say that it is, Your Excellency. I am convinced that Yuroma was plotting with enemies to the Empire, given the eyewitnesses who saw her experimenting with shadowy magic, not to mention her suspicious journey. But I have nothing substantive to add to these reports.\u201d He bowed his forehead to the floor, hating himself for being such a groveling low-life. \u201cI beg Your forgiveness, Excellency.\u201d<\/p>\n He\u2019d be lucky to keep his post as an Imperial investigator. Lucky to keep any post, perhaps. Curse that Hador for assigning him to such a task. But Hador had never liked him and had found an easy way to remove him for good. Laveld probably would have done the same thing were he interim-Archmage instead.<\/p>\n Somehow, the Emperor didn\u2019t seem displeased. In fact, he almost looked happy as he said, \u201cThere is nothing to be forgiven. You did your duty and no new facts came to light. I thank you for your diligent service to the Amber Empire, Laveld. You are dismissed.\u201d<\/p>\n No reprimand. Not even any questions regarding his report. It was a miraculously simple dismissal, leaving Laveld feeling giddy as a hummingbird. As he left the throne room he only looked up long enough to see Hador\u2019s normal smile wavering, the leech. Well, he\u2019d lost this battle. Perhaps the Emperor could keep even Hador in line, then. Maybe they weren\u2019t so bad off without Yuroma after all.<\/p>\n I doubt now that there is or ever was a spell to bring back what I wanted. I searched as I\u2019ve never searched for anything, and to no avail. All I wanted was a day or two to mirror those when Pal\u00e9n and I were young, just to be sure that they were even real. Reading shadows has never given me that.<\/p>\n Those days were real, though. I remember them now.<\/p>\n I recalled them too clearly to doubt, not once I found Pal\u00e9n again. And I remember them anew now as she sits beside me and holds my hand, or tells me softly of her life with Rijo, the children they raised, the stories they invented about their lost aunt who went off to be an Imperial Mage. I laugh for joy at how close some of those tales come to my reality.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll have to send Pal\u00e9n away soon, to keep her hidden once more. But until then, I can set aside the shadows where I\u2019ve lived so long–just listen as my sister sings me to sleep.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The clever ones will know I\u2019ve been reading shadows–folding them, discarding them like bruised fruit from a basket, meddling with magic that had never been touched before. They\u2019ll inevitably discover my spellweaving. And of course they\u2019ll wonder what I made, then they\u2019ll dig to find out why. I was Yuroma, after all, Archmage of the …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91510,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19778],"tags":[19777],"class_list":["post-136231","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tcl-29-fall-2018","tag-the-colored-lens-29-autumn-2018","entry entry-center"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136231","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/91510"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=136231"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136231\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":136232,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136231\/revisions\/136232"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=136231"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=136231"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=136231"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n<\/p>\n
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\nI\u2019ve weakened myself too much to return, Pal\u00e9n. Come to me if you can. I send all my love, and ask again for your forgiveness for the lost years.<\/p>\n
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\nYuroma.<\/em><\/p>\n
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