This morning is not good, like yesterday. Mr. Jones is unwell. He hasn\u2019t been well since we came here. I am sad about that. I am a wife, Mary, Mr. Jones\u2019s wife. I used to call him \u2018Bob\u2019, but everyone here calls him \u2018Mr. Jones\u2019, so I do too. <\/p>\n
Mr. Jones and I have been here for three months. We came here after hospital, when he had his stroke. Mr. Jones can\u2019t do much for himself anymore, so I help him. I wash him, I feed him, I take him to the toilet, I change his clothes. Doing these things is good. It makes me feel good. I love Mr. Jones.<\/p>\n
In the afternoon, Mr. Jones seems better. So I dress him in his suit, and he goes down to the lounge to meet the others. Of course he doesn\u2019t go by himself. I wheel him down. And when he is there he can\u2019t speak or talk to the others. But he looks smart in his suit, supported by the cushions, and I am proud of him. He looks at me sometimes. I am sure he loves me. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n
There are only old men in this place, men like Mr. Jones who can\u2019t look after themselves. The old women are in another place. I don\u2019t know why they don\u2019t have them together, just like outside. I said this to Matron once. But Matron just smiled, and said, \u201cYou\u2019re a strange one, dear.\u201d <\/p>\n
There are the other wives, of course. Today, Samantha is standing next to me. Her husband is very old. \u201cI like your dress,\u201d I say to Samantha. The green goes with her blonde hair. \u201cThank you. I like yours, too,\u201d she says, and she smiles. We usually say this to each other, and it is true. Our dresses don\u2019t change. <\/p>\n
At five o\u2019clock there are visitors to the lounge. I like this time, there is so much to see and listen to. Men and women come in, even children. Some of them smile at me. <\/p>\n
Mr. Jones has a daughter called Sue who visits every week. She says thank you to me. I like her. her hair goes behind one ear. Once she brought me a bracelet. I\u2019m wearing it now. Sue is a wife, but she is a visitor-wife. She lives outside. Her husband never comes, though.<\/p>\n
Sue talks to Mr. Jones \u2013 oh, the things she talks about! I didn\u2019t know there were so many things in the world. She talks about cooking, food, her children, her boss, holidays, her husband, so many things! I could listen to her for hours. And I think Mr. Jones likes it too. I wish I could talk like Sue, it would help him. <\/p>\n
Mr. Jones\u2019s son Byron doesn\u2019t visit often. When he comes, he doesn\u2019t say much to his father but just looks around the room, at the wives, mostly. He looks at me too, in a not-good way. But I must be nice to him. He is Mr. Jones\u2019s son.<\/p>\n
The days are good here. It doesn\u2019t take me long to recharge. Downloads come through smoothly, I have more capabilities now. But Mr. Jones is getting worse, and I am sad about that. What will happen to him? What will happen to me?<\/p>\n
Tonight, Mr. Jones has a turn \u2013 that\u2019s what the nurse calls it. I gave him his regular sleeping pill, but he wakes up groaning. I try to calm him, I hold his hand, I sing to him. But he doesn\u2019t listen. He just flings himself around the bed, and I can\u2019t hold him still. <\/p>\n
He gets bad, arching his back and screaming. I call the nurse. She gives him an injection, and that quietens him down. Then he snores. I sit by the bed for a long time after that, just holding his hand. It is bad that he is like this.<\/p>\n
The next day, Mr. Jones is all right again. We go down to the lounge as usual. I want to speak to Samantha, but she and her husband are not here today. There are not many visitors. I talk to Mr. Jones, but he does not talk to me. He does not look at me. I am sad about that. <\/p>\n
Then a man comes in. He is even balder than Mr. Jones, but he looks around quickly and he walks by himself. He goes up to Mr. Jones, and grabs his hand. \u201cHallo, old chap, how\u2019s it going?\u201d he says. As he sits down, he smiles at me. A kind man!<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m Sam,\u201d he says to Mr. Jones. \u201cRemember me \u2013 your old drinking partner?\u201d But Mr. Jones doesn\u2019t look at him, just stares straight ahead. <\/p>\n
I feel sad. \u201cI am sorry, Mr. Sam,\u201d I say. I want to say clever things like Sue, but I can\u2019t.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust call me, Sam,\u201d the visitor laughs. It is a nice laugh. \u201cSo you\u2019re the wife?\u201d He looks me up and down, but in a nice way, as if he is sorry for me. \u201cYes, I remember \u2013 you married Bob just before\u2026 just before hospital. That was bad luck.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Sam,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you\u2019ve been here ever since? Well, yes, of course you have, where else would you go?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looks at me again. \u201cAnd you\u2019ve been wearing that dress\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n
Sam frowns, for the first time, as if there is something he doesn\u2019t like. Then he takes out his wallet, and holds out some notes. \u201cHere, get yourself a new dress \u2013 for Bob\u2019s sake.\u201d<\/p>\n
I take the notes. I don\u2019t know what to do. I look at them. <\/p>\n
Sam laughs. He is a nice man. \u201cA woman who doesn\u2019t know how to buy a dress! What were they thinking? Here, give it back to me,\u201d he takes the notes, \u201cI\u2019ll do something.\u201d<\/p>\n
He pulls up an armchair and talks to Mr. Jones. It seems that Sam knew him well. They were in business together for many years, and before that they were in college. It is good to know Mr. Jones so long!<\/p>\n
When it\u2019s time to go, Sam shakes Mr. Jones\u2019s hand. And then he shakes my hand. He smiles at me, and with a little wave he is gone. <\/p>\n
I think I like Sam next best after Mr. Jones.<\/p>\n
That night is a bad night. Mr. Jones is restless again, and I call the nurse. When she comes, she has to help me hold Mr. Jones down. He is moving about so much. Then Mr. Jones vomits over the nurse. She says something bad and goes to the washroom. I am left holding Mr. Jones by myself. I\u2019m afraid I will hurt him.<\/p>\n
The orderly is nearby and he comes in to help. The two of us can hold Mr. Jones more easily. Eventually, the nurse comes back, washed, and gives Mr. Jones the injection. \u201cJust stay to help her hold him,\u201d she says to the orderly. Then she goes off.<\/p>\n
The orderly is new. He says his name is Carl. He is a big man. He looks at me and says it\u2019s a pity about my husband. I say nothing. I must help Mr. Jones. <\/p>\n
Mr. Jones is quiet now after the injection. Carl stops holding him and comes over to my side of the bed. \u201cHey,\u201d he says, putting a hand on my knee. \u201cIt\u2019s a waste you\u2019re here, such a good-looking woman.\u201d <\/p>\n
I say nothing, I don\u2019t look at him. This is not supposed to happen.<\/p>\n
Carl takes his hand away. \u201cI suppose you\u2019re fully licensed?\u201d he says. \u201cMust be, you were married to the guy. Look if you ever need anything, anything at all, you know how to find me. Right?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI say, \u2018Right,\u2019 because I know how to find him \u2013 the orderlies work around the place most days.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood girl!\u201d he says. And he goes out.<\/p>\n
When I am sure Mr. Jones is asleep, I take off my clothes and wash them. Then I wash myself. My body is round and smooth, not wrinkled like Mr. Jones\u2019s body. I am strong \u2013 I can pick up Mr. Jones, but I must not hurt him.<\/p>\n
While my dress dries, I put on one of Mr. Jones\u2019s bedtime smocks, and recharge. Afterwards, I stand in front of the mirror trying my hair different ways. My hair is brown, shoulder-length, wavy; I can curl it behind my ear like Sue. My face is nice too \u2013 the eyes, the curving lips. I think my look is important.<\/p>\n
My dress is almost dry by the afternoon, and I put it on again when it\u2019s time to go down to the lounge. With my hair behind one ear, I think I look different. I want to ask Samantha what she thinks, but when we get down Samantha is not there. I miss her. I try to talk to Mr. Jones, but he doesn\u2019t respond. Does he love me anymore?<\/p>\n
Carl is wheeling patients outside to sit in the garden. He sees me and gives me a little wave. I have a new thought: Does Carl love me? What kind of thought is that? <\/p>\n
The afternoon passes. Some visitors come. Carl goes to and fro with the patients. Matron comes in with a new family to show them around. A young man in the group smiles at me. Does he like my hair? I smile at him.<\/p>\n
I am getting Mr. Jones into his wheelchair when Carl comes up to help me. \u201cYou look nice,\u201d he says when we\u2019ve finished. <\/p>\n
I am pleased. But I want to know something. \u201cWhere is Samantha? Will she come back?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNah, she\u2019s\u2013\u201d Carl stops. \u201cHer husband got taken bad. She had to go.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGo where?\u201d I ask. <\/p>\n
\u201cChrist! What do they tell them?<\/em>\u201d Carl says in a low voice. Then he says, \u201cTo the great docking station in the sky, that\u2019s where.\u201d<\/p>\n I don\u2019t understand this. But then I don\u2019t understand much about the outside world.<\/p>\n Then Carl says, \u201cYou should know. You\u2019ll have to go there too.\u201d He looks down at Mr. Jones. \u201cHe isn\u2019t going to last much longer.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat will I do in the great docking station?\u201d I ask him.<\/p>\n He laughs. It is not like Sam\u2019s laugh, though. \u201cDon\u2019t worry. They\u2019ll look after you, find you another husband!\u201d<\/p>\n That night I am self-maintaining by Mr. Jones\u2019s bed. I think about what Carl said. Is it true that they will find me another husband? Do I want that? No, I say to myself, I want Mr. Jones. He is my husband. <\/p>\n And then I have another thought. Does he want me?<\/p>\n Samantha was not here all day. And before her, other wives disappeared with their husbands too. Carl is right. I will go if Mr. Jones goes.<\/p>\n I look down at my husband. He is snoring, which is good. But he looks weak. I stroke his hand, and he stirs in his sleep. Dear husband! I love you. But do you love me?<\/p>\n Later in the night, Mr. Jones is restless again. I take his hand, and he is quieter. How much longer will this go on?<\/p>\n The following day, we go down to the lounge again. How nice \u2013 there is Sam! He is carrying a big package, and gives me a smile. Now he is giving me the package. \u201cOh, Sam, thank you!\u201d I say, and he says, \u201cNot at all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, aren\u2019t you going to open it?\u201d he says. <\/p>\n \u201cOpen it?\u201d I say, \u201cOh yes!\u201d I open it, and inside is a beautiful yellow dress! It is like nothing I have seen before. \u201cThank you so much,\u201d I say. And I lean over and squeeze his hand.<\/p>\n Sam is looking pleased with himself, and I am pleased too. He tells me to put it on. He\u2019ll take care of things here (he pats Mr. Jones).<\/p>\n So I do that. I put on Sam\u2019s gift. It fits me well. In the mirror I see my brown hair against the yellow dress. <\/p>\n \u201cHey, marvellous!\u201d Sam says when I come back.<\/p>\n I am happy too. I just have one question for him.<\/p>\n \u201cSam,\u201d I say, \u201cDo you need a wife?\u201d<\/p>\n The smile goes from his face. That makes me sad. I turn away. <\/p>\n \u201cListen, Mary,\u201d he says, \u201csit down.\u201d I sit, and he continues in a low voice, \u201cI like you, and I don\u2019t have a wife, but\u2026\u201d He pauses.<\/p>\n I tell him I\u2019m fully licensed, in case he doesn\u2019t know that. I start to explain how Mr. Jones and I, in the early days\u2026. But he makes a face and stops me.<\/p>\n Just then Matron comes up and asks if I am bothering him. Sam shakes his head. <\/p>\n When Matron has gone, he speaks again. \u201cMary, people don\u2019t do things like that. You have to understand, people get to know each other. Then later when they are good friends, they talk about more things.\u201d<\/p>\n His face is serious and kind. I like him much better than Carl. I tell him that.<\/p>\n Sam is surprised. \u201cWho is Carl?\u201d He looks around. \u201cNever mind.\u201d He grips my hand, concerned. \u201cDon\u2019t you have a girlfriend to talk about these things?\u201d<\/p>\n I say I had Samantha, but she\u2019s gone now. I don\u2019t think Samantha knows these things, though.<\/p>\n Sam looks confused. He starts to speak, then stops. I am sad about this. I say, sorry, for making him unhappy. He squeezes my hand again, and doesn\u2019t say any more. His hand is strong and warm. I remember his hand when he is gone.<\/p>\n Where does all this come from? I am a wife, the wife of Mr. Jones. I cannot talk to other men. Why do I talk to Sam? I must stay with Mr. Jones. I am not a visitor-wife.<\/p>\n That evening when Mr. Jones is snoring, I feel sad. I feel sad that I am not a good wife. It is hard being a good wife, but that is what must be. <\/p>\n I also feel sad about making Sam unhappy. But then I think Sam is a good man. Perhaps he is not angry with me. <\/p>\n The next day, Mr. Jones is better, and I sit with him in the lounge. Sometimes I speak to him. And today, he looks at me. If I have more to say, it will be better. I try to repeat the things Sam says, although I don\u2019t know about those things. Mr. Jones seems interested.<\/p>\n I also watch the other people there. The wives don\u2019t do much. But the visitors are interesting. Some of them are wives too, but these visitor-wives are not like me and Samantha. I must learn from them. <\/p>\n I see that some of the visitor-wives are not nice like Sue. They say bad things and then their husbands are unhappy. Later, they smile and say nice things again. It is difficult for me to understand this. I must learn from the visitor-wives.<\/p>\n One day I put on the yellow dress from Sam. It is good. I am pleased how I look in the mirror. Even Matron says, “Hello,” to me as she passes. <\/p>\n A visitor-husband looks at me and smiles; I smile back. His wife looks at me, but does not smile. Her face is not kind. She walks past me and on to an old man by himself in the corner. Maybe her father. She bends down and gives him a hug. Now her face is kind again, like Sue\u2019s, and she starts talking to him. What is it like being a visitor-wife?<\/p>\n Carl comes by and looks at me. I turn my head away so that I won\u2019t see him. I think Sam doesn\u2019t like Carl.<\/p>\n Mr. Jones\u2019s son Byron visits that day. He looks at me without saying anything. But he sees the dress. Then, after sitting with Mr. Jones a little while, he asks if I could come out to his car. <\/p>\n I can\u2019t. I say, \u201cI have to look after Mr. Jones.\u201d<\/p>\n Byron says, \u201cThe old guy doesn\u2019t need you now. Look at him.\u201d<\/p>\n I look. Mr. Jones\u2019s eyes are closed, and his mouth is open. He is snoring. But I cannot leave him. I must be beside Mr. Jones.<\/p>\n Byron shrugs his shoulders, says something I can\u2019t hear, and leaves.<\/p>\n Matron comes over to me and says that Sam is coming this afternoon. That is good news. And good that I am wearing his dress today! <\/p>\n I look around the room. The visitor-wife is still there. I watch her. As she talks to the old man, she pats his arm. Now she takes her husband\u2019s hand, still talking. And the husband looks happy too. They are a family, I must understand this. <\/p>\n I look at Mr. Jones. It was good with him at first. And now I must care for him. As long as he is here, poor man!<\/p>\n Sam will be here any minute now. I check my dress, my hair. Will he be pleased? I feel good that he is coming. The afternoon is long, I want him to come quickly. What is this?<\/p>\n Now, at last, Sam is here, I see his cheerful face coming through the lounge. Oh good! I get up, I want to hug him like the visitor wife. But I don\u2019t do that. <\/p>\n \u201cHello, Mary,\u201d Sam says. He says it in a quick way, he does not shake hands. Then he turns to Mr. Jones and says hello to him. He talks to Mr. Jones. He doesn\u2019t look at me. He doesn\u2019t say anything about my dress. Sam likes his old friend best. <\/p>\n I stand beside these two men. They do not look at me. I feel sad. <\/p>\n But I can try. I can try something new. I wait some more. Mr. Jones looks at his friend, he sometimes nods, but he doesn\u2019t say anything. Eventually, Sam stops talking. <\/p>\n I ask Sam, \u201cDo you have a car?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d says Sam. He looks surprised, but he doesn\u2019t say any more.<\/p>\n I try again. \u201cCan you take Mr. Jones for a drive?\u201d<\/p>\n Sam is surprised again. He looks at Mr. Jones, then looks at me, then back at his friend. \u201cHow would you like to go for a spin?\u201d he says to Mr. Jones.<\/p>\n Mr. Jones nods. <\/p>\n \u201cOK,\u201d Sam says. Then he says he had better clear it with Matron. He goes off and he comes back. \u201cSo, we\u2019re going out,\u201d Sam says to me. He is looking at me in a funny way. He is smiling now. \u201cDo you want to come too, Mary?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n \u201cYes!\u201d I say.<\/p>\n Now I am wheeling Mr. Jones out to the car. Outside, it is very green with trees and grass. I feel the air; Mr. Jones may be cold, I cover his chest with a shawl. Then feel the air again. It pushes my hair, my dress. I smell the trees and grass smell; there are many leaves, many little bits of grass, I don\u2019t know how many! <\/p>\n Now Sam is opening his car, he helps me put Mr. Jones\u2019s chair inside. There are some fastenings, I watch Sam clip the chair in. Then Sam sits on one side of Mr. Jones and I sit on the other side.<\/p>\n Sam tells the car to go. It drives off, and the trees move past quickly, and then the road outside: more cars, big cars \u2013 I don\u2019t know what they are. There is so much to see!<\/p>\n \u201cToday is a good day,\u201d I say to Sam. \u201cA happy day.\u201d<\/p>\n He smiles and nods.<\/p>\n I am trying, I am learning, I am learning every day. <\/p>\n I am Mary. <\/p>\n \u2013End\u2013<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This morning is not good, like yesterday. Mr. Jones is unwell. He hasn\u2019t been well since we came here. I am sad about that. I am a wife, Mary, Mr. Jones\u2019s wife. I used to call him \u2018Bob\u2019, but everyone here calls him \u2018Mr. Jones\u2019, so I do too. Mr. Jones and I have been …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47752,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,125,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-133014","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction","category-futuristic","category-science-fiction","entry entry-center"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133014","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/47752"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=133014"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133014\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":136941,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133014\/revisions\/136941"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=133014"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=133014"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=133014"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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