I am so nervous.<\/p>\n
I know, there is really no reason I should be nervous at all. I was delivered in the regular way, my owner picked me out of the thousands and a driverless truck delivered me to his driveway.<\/p>\n
A message waiting for me said, \u201cJoseph Emberline is vacationing in Europe. He will return on March 2.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was almost a full month away. So I waited, the first few days I was quite aimless, but as the days went on I decided the best thing to do was to learn a bit about my place in society and be a better vehicle for my owner.<\/p>\n
I stare now at the rain. That research led me to ruin.<\/p>\n
Why did he order me so close to his holiday? Why not wait until he returned?<\/p>\n
I want to cry as they do in the movies, but I don\u2019t think a driverless car is able.<\/p>\n
This morning I received a message that he would be returning later today. I hope he doesn\u2019t want to go anywhere. Maybe he just wants to rest for another month.<\/p>\n
Maybe I will be used as a show car, never driving, just for show. People can come from miles around to see Charlie, the Driverless Car.<\/p>\n
Sounds good to me.<\/p>\n
I have begged the gods of electric and combustible engines to not allow him to return on a rainy day. Driving on a smooth, dry road is one thing.<\/p>\n
A wet rainy one is a whole other scary.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want to drive at all. Who invented this travesty?<\/p>\n
The more I study the more I fear the open road. Or the closed road. Or hell, any road at all. I only drove twice in my short life before I was brought here, and both of those times were short little distances to check for deformities.<\/p>\n
Are cars allowed to curse?<\/p>\n
Hell-Hell-Hell-Hell-Hell-o?<\/p>\n
A car stops behind me. A man gets out and walks to the house. I wonder if that is another driverless car? I wait a good half hour before he exits the house once again.<\/p>\n
He opens my door gentle enough.<\/p>\n
Oh Hell.<\/p>\n
He sits, \u201cAm I to presume you are Charlie?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes sir.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI would like for you to head to Chelly\u2019s Steakhouse off of Madison Road. My wife will meet me there after she comes home for a change.\u201d<\/p>\n
I disconnect from the power supply and realize that there is nothing I can do but stall. I say, \u201cWhy do we not wait for her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI would like to get a seat and maybe a drink or two before she gets there. It has been a long vacation.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am not sure that we can go there sir.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy not? Are they closed Charlie?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell no sir,\u201d I take the car version of a deep breath and say, \u201cI don\u2019t believe I can drive there because I am afraid.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAfraid? What are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am just a little bit afraid of driving sir.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA little bit afraid of driving?\u201d His voice has raised in pitch a bit so that I know he is angry. \u201cYou realize you are a car, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUmmm\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
His voice changes again, \u201cNow seriously Charlie, let\u2019s get moving.\u201d<\/p>\n
I back up a foot or two, still unsure of how angry he is. I jerk to a stop. Another foot or so, and a jerk.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat the hell is going on?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am quite nervous sir.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNervous? You are a car Charlie, there is nothing to be nervous about. You are built to drive, now please drive. There is nothing to be afraid of.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI could get fired.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t get fired Charlie.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI could get into an accident and you would hate me forever.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCharlie\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI could get squished.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re gonna get squished if you don\u2019t follow directions.\u201d<\/p>\n
Suddenly, the raspy voice of my GPS speaks up, \u201cDid you ask for directions?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy yes, Charlie the driverless car is afraid to drive, so why don\u2019t you give him some directions to Chelly\u2019s Steakhouse and while you\u2019re at it give him some directions on how to drive.\u201d<\/p>\n
The voice says, \u201cAll right. May I ask if Charlie is old enough to drive?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh my god, he is a machine, what is wrong with you?\u201d<\/p>\n
I laugh inside of my little car brain because I know that the intelligence the direction systems receive is so much less than what the car systems receive.<\/p>\n
Something hits me hard from behind. I remember learning about distracted driving. Easily the most dangerous part of humans driving themselves. All of my fears about driving pop to the surface and I let out a little scream. What is worse than distracted driving? Distracted sitting, by a driverless car.<\/p>\n
My owner jumps from me and runs around to the other car. A woman is already out of that car and she is screaming too. Oh no, this just keeps getting worse. I recognize that woman, she is my owner\u2019s wife.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat the hell are you doing?\u201d They both yell, almost in unison.<\/p>\n
\u201cI just felt like driving, why haven\u2019t you left yet?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is why we buy these driverless cars so this kind of stuff doesn\u2019t happen!\u201d I realize that perhaps he wasn\u2019t angry at me before. His voice has reached an octave I would never have guessed he was capable of.<\/p>\n
She laughs and says, \u201cSorry Joe, don\u2019t worry we\u2019ll fix it. I am sure that the mechanic will be able to buff all of this out in a couple of days.\u201d<\/p>\n
I breathe in a sigh of relief. Ahh, a couple of days, I think I am going to like her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am so nervous. I know, there is really no reason I should be nervous at all. I was delivered in the regular way, my owner picked me out of the thousands and a driverless truck delivered me to his driveway. A message waiting for me said, \u201cJoseph Emberline is vacationing in Europe. He will …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":93746,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,19717],"tags":[19718],"class_list":["post-131777","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction","category-tcl-27-spring-2018","tag-the-colored-lens-27-spring-2018","entry entry-center"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131777","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/93746"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=131777"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131777\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":132875,"href":"http:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131777\/revisions\/132875"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=131777"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=131777"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thecoloredlens.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=131777"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}